Sunday, April 10, 2016

Ultimate Look Back

You guys.
I love ultimate frisbee so hard.
It's actually kind of crazy how much I love it, considering how I wanted to quit before I had even finished playing my first game.
I signed up with Melissa who was the one who had wanted to play in the first place.  I think she wanted to go out of her comfort zone and make new friends while doing something active, and I just signed up with her to make sure she didn't make friends with anyone she liked more than me.  #imnotagoodfriendsharer  I guess I should also mention that I had just started trying to actively do my first lifestyle change and losing weight, etc. so that was also a factor in my decision to join.  But mostly it was about friendblocking my BFF.
So we showed up and it was basically us getting thrown into a game and being told to RUN.  And then some guy legit yelling at us for not running enough and to get off the field if we weren't going to run hard.  I'm thinking of you, Chris, you jerkface.

And yet, we still kept coming back.  Every week, trying to run a little bit harder or longer (or at all, in my case), trying not to die (this was always a high priority for me).  Then as the weeks progressed, getting to loftier goals like trying to be open enough to have someone consider throwing the disc to us.  And then actually trying to catch the disc, etc.  It was a very long time before I tried to do anything other than just be an extra body out on the field.  I did execute a lot of awesome evasive maneuvering, like zigging and zagging and running around in actual, literal circles making whoever was defending me follow me around.  This lasted not that long until someone explained to me that I was "picking" by doing my zig zag patterns across the field and getting in generally everyone's (my team included) way.

We made it through the indoor season and actually signed up for another - which was pretty much like starting over as it was outdoor and had its own brand of suffering.  But there I am up there, hiding in the back, trying to shrink into the background foliage.  My biggest goal really was just to be able to keep up.  I didn't try to go for the disc, I wasn't getting open very often, so my biggest focus on was just trying to not get scored on an umpteen amount of times or just literally getting left behind in the dust.

This was taken in October of 2012, about a year after I had started actively making that lifestyle change.  I had already started losing weight which was probably why I consented to being in this picture.  I was getting a little bit more confident on the field and I think at this point, had probably scored a point or two.  Whether on purpose or by accident, who knows.  
It was also right after this time that the weight really started coming off.  Mel was getting married that coming March and I had sworn I wasn't going to be the really large bridesmaid that first draws the eye - this came when they didn't have a dress for me to try when we all went because the samples they had in the store didn't fit.  Reality check moment right there.  "Fun" fact: That March, it actually got to the point where I had the opposite sort of problem.  I had lost so much weight that the dress that I had actually fell off of me and I'd lost so much that it couldn't even be taken in without a huge amount of work.  I left it pretty last minute, but it worked out when I was able to just get one of the sample dresses from the store as my replacement dress instead of having to alter the one I had.  

And then BOOM! Six months later....
I like how I make it sound like I just woke up after that photo was take and was like, oh, look, I'm skinny now!  Like I've mentioned before, I swear getting skinny was a bonus.  This picture doesn't show how much stronger I was than the girl who was trying not to barf on her first game.  I think it does kind of show how much more confident I was with the game and my ability to play it.  I still actually remember this game.  When we first started playing, there was this team that was REALLY good.  And on this team, there was this girl who was REALLY good.  She was so good and so confident in how good she was that she actually came up to Mel and I to tell us we were practicing our flicks wrong (it's true, we were).  She showed us how and we were in semi awe of her and then a little begrudgingly so when we finally played their team and she schooled us without breaking any sort of sweat.  This was the game that I remember having to defend her and actually being able to do so.  I was defending the end zone from her and we both went after the disc and I kept up enough that I was able to "D" it, so to speak.  We took a nasty tumble from colliding into each other, but it was AWESOME.  I remember that because I still remember how it felt.

Of course, with that confidence came the competitiveness.  Clearly I don't like to lose, friends.  I can't remember for certain, but it sure looks like I'm telling someone off *LOL*  But in a less offending way that we didn't lose any spirit points.  My team always wins the spirit award - and sometimes we win games too!  It was during this season that I felt confident enough to captain the team for the indoor intermediate league since the usual captains couldn't do it.  I'd like to say that I captained that team into third place in the league that season (and another season after! If I sound totally smug it's because I totally am typing all smug-like LOL)
Then came Miss Ava and it was almost back to square one.
I can't even begin to describe how frustrating it was to know (or think) that your body can do something and then not have your body respond and do it.  I captained one more season while pregnant and kept in touch by going to games and watching from the sidelines.  I would watch the players go and know that I could do what they were doing (CONFESSION: okay, there were times that perhaps I would think I could do it better #suchadouche) and couldn't wait to get back on the field myself.  After Ava came, it was basically just a countdown of when I could play again and pick up where I left off.  
Ava was born near the end of January and Mel and I came back from the spring season in March - I think it was pretty much exactly our six-week mark.  Having our babies on the same day helped out with timing us both to come back at the same time *LOL*
If I remember correctly, Mel and I both took a spill in our first game back.  It was like, in my head, I could see what I wanted to do and then went ahead and tried to do it and my body was like, whoa, wait, what?  I know for myself, I tried to make a run to the endzone that pre-baby Cat could (okay, fine, maybe would have) made and I was nowhere near it and I was so off-balance with this new post-baby body that I totally just slid into a faceplant.  Ego hurt more than my palms from the turf burn.
Even though of course I wasn't back exactly where I started out, it sure felt that way and it was really hard for me to play against teams and against girls that I felt like I was better than a year ago and now couldn't even keep up with.  Discouraging to say the least and it definitely didn't help that I slid right back into my pre-lifestyle change habits and started packing the pounds on again.  So even when I started getting back into the groove, I wasn't helping myself get any better by getting heavier and heavier and not being able to run or move with the added weight.

October 2015 and it's like the same photo from my first team shot.  But with more confidence apparently?
This post got way longer than I intended it to be *LOL*
We lost our game today, quite spectacularly, I might add, but I left it feeling like it was feeling better.  We played a really good team and there were no slouches in their girls.  I finished off the game feeling happy that I was relatively able to keep up with my girls.   I'm also down 22 lbs since January, so I think that's probably a big factor.  Right now, I'm working on really trying to build my confidence and going after the disc a bit more since I've been back.  I'm really looking forward to the time where I can be on the field and not running around wondering what the heck I'm supposed to be doing.

And now the countdown is on 'til Wednesday league!  I love being able to play twice a week and the Wednesday league is supposed to be a more intermediate league which means better teams and while I still hate feeling like the weakest link, I also think it helps up my game to play with players that I know are really good.  I feel like it pushes me to try more and I think it shows in that we are currently in 2nd place in Wednesday league and 6th in Sunday league *LOL*

I also pulled a Melissa in a way where I am trying to step outside of my comfort zone.  Registration for Spring/Summer league has closed and I had to let them know that I couldn't join the Sunday league as it will be trailer time soon and who knows what weekends we'll be around.  I was sad to not be able to play the twice a week games and I found a couple other adult sports leagues that offer Ultimate on different days and thought, hey!  I can play on another weekday.

So I signed up with another league and I know NO ONE.  I'm actually kind of terrified that I'll end up on a super amazing team and I'll be the newbie that gets put in the corner because there has to be two girls on the field at all times.  When I registered and it asked for any previous experience, I did say I was one small step up from newbie.  I'd rather they be pleasantly surprised that I can play a tiny bit rather than really disappointed that I suck more than they expected.

I've already second-guessed this move a bunch of times and have almost cancelled my registration a few times.  It's weird how nervous and shy I get around strangers.  And also, because I found another league that offers a youth ultimate frisbee clinic and they go as young as 2 years old and I really want to sign Ava up and run around with her.  The youth league plays on Mondays which is also the day that I signed up to play in May as well.  So now I'm trying to figure out if it wouldn't be too much to sign her up to play on Mondays and I'll play Wednesday and Thursday.

I'll figure that out closer to, but in the meantime! YAY FRISBEE!

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...