Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Four Five Seconds

Do you know a sure-fire way to get sad and discouraged really fast? (Like in four or five seconds fast?  See what I did there?)
Take a walk down memory lane and re-read your old blog posts and see that your stats/measurements are telling you that you're bigger now than you were four years ago.

I keep trying to tell myself that I did this to myself but I guess that doesn't really help in the long run.  What's done is done and berating myself won't inspire me any more than it will actually make me feel sad and just want to eat my feelings.
Still doesn't stop me from being disappointed in myself in that I lost sight of my goals and allowed myself to make so many excuses that I pretty much went all the way back to square one.  Seriously, it hurts.

Ah, well!  As you can see, I have since moved on from Square One Two Point Oh and I've been analyzing my current stats compared to my first set of "finishing" stats in 2013.  To be clear, the finishing stats is when I finished the Insanity program.  My measurements are actually very, very close to my first set of finishing stats and I was wondering how the measurements could be the same and the weight difference could be different in that I weigh more than when I did the last time.  It's a much bigger difference when I compare my two sets of starting measurements.  These are also pretty close to being the same, but I'm 12 lbs lighter.  At first I was like, how can I be lighter but measure the same?  Is it something to do with muscle?  I have no idea, actually *LOL* but I feel like it might have something to do with it when I compare that the first time I lost weight, it looks like I lost  33 lbs in three months and then this go around, over the same course of three months, I've only lost 15.4.  Actually, since I know that my actual start date was January 4th and my starting weight was 192.8, I know I've actually lost 21 lbs, which is still less than before, but yet, my measurements are almost the same.  Does THAT have something to do with muscle?

When I first started trying to lose weight, with the exception of Insanity's strength moves, I was almost 100% about cardio.  I feel like this go around, I knew about trying to build more muscle to burn more calories which helps shape the body better (minus that last two weeks where I cut out strength training for cardio for the weight-loss challenge and we all know how that went!)  I'd like to hope that maybe even though I got a little lost along the way and gained back the weight, perhaps maybe I'm still stronger than I was before and so I haven't totally gone back to ground zero.  I'd like to also remind myself that I did birth a human in between these two sets of measurements so I'm also hoping that perhaps my hip measurements look wider because childbirth.  Clinging at anything, aren't I?

Okay.  So that's that.  I've allowed myself to look back and I allowed a few little heart flops of disappointment.  But that's it.  Let's focus on now and the changes I've been making now.

Guess what today is?!


It's actually getting kind of ridiculous how much I love Wednesdays.

I started writing the first part of this post earlier today on my lunch break at work and then had to leave it.  So I'm just finishing up now that I'm home from the game and totally wired for the next hour or two on pre-workout and endorphins.

So the milestone for today is that I decided I would wear shorts to today's game.

It turned out fine, actually.  Granted, I did use the gel.  But it's so much better to run around that dome in shorts than compression crops.  It just gets so hot and we played a "tough" team today.

I don't mean to be rude when I put tough in air quotes.  We're a pretty evenly matched team, but what I mean is that every time we've played against each other, it's been super tense because we don't like each other.  The captains definitely don't get along and it definitely shows on the field.  Which is always a bit odd because the biggest thing about playing in this league is the sportsmanship of it all.  Our team always wins for the highest spirit points (no, that doesn't always translate to the losers!) so it just throws me off that this team are made up of a collective bunch of #douchecanoes.  During our first game, we lost a whole chunk of time because the other captain tried to explain the rules of the game to our captain.  Which would have been fine if it were me because we all know I'm sketchy about the rules, but our captain happens to be one of the founding members of the entire league.  And so when she told him that he was wrong and explained it, he wouldn't back down and kept insisting that he was right.  Which was also odd because as I don't generally know a lot of the rules, even I knew he was wrong.  Needless to say, they marked us down in spirit points for "knowledge of the game" which is laughable if it isn't downright ridiculous.

I was pretty fine with them personally since I stay out of those types of arguments because what the heck do I know, but I scored a point today and ran in hard enough that after I caught it, I turned around in my momentum and was carrying the disc with me to drop it at the line and my defender was all like, "just drop it after you catch it."  Girlfriend.  You don't need to explain what I need to do after I leave you in the dust.  But I must have clearly needed to be educated because she was wearing frisbee gloves and I'm lame and just caught it with my bare hands.  I just had to laugh a bit, but I for sure made it my mission to go harder after her just because.  Honestly though.  I've been frustrated against a team before and especially against a girl I'm defending, but I've never felt the need to say anything at all besides positive things because I'm aware that that's the spirit of the game.  There's been plenty of times (seriously, PLENTY) where I've been scored on and I've almost always been able to say "nice point" (even if sometimes it's preceded by a giant F-bomb).  Meh.

I would have really liked to have smoked them more, but we tired out a bit near the end and they were able to rally.

I think I'll call my play today even.  I felt like I had some wicked plays - I got a few good D's (a few of them against that girl), scored two points and one assist.  But on the other hand, I also had some pretty cringe-worthy moments.  Like when I was running to the disc and thought it was going to get passed to me, but then for some reason I thought the pass was to someone else, so I ended up just kind of staring at it go over his head until it landed at my feet.  Insert another F-bomb there and the me hearing the captain shout, "Cat! What are you doing?" and all I could do was shake my head and be like, "I have no idea."

BUT!  After repeatedly talking about wanting to feel more confident on the field and less like I'm running around not knowing what the heck I'm doing (minus that super awesome episode I just mentioned), I felt better about how I played compared to how I've finished off games before.  I feel like I actually contributed to this win as opposed to just showing up and giving a girl a break as her sub.  Do I feel like I could have played better?  Of course, I think I'll always feel like I could have done just a little bit more, but I hope that will help keep me pushing to be better.

CONFESSION:  I've totally been watching a bunch of Ultimate games and videos on YouTube.  A few actual MLU games and a few "Bro Tips" tutorials from Brodie Smith (who may I point out has liked several of my ultimate posts on IG).  I'm hoping that by constantly watching, I'll be able to pick up some tips or just absorb skills through visualization, but I'm mainly also watching the games to be able to read plays and players on the field.  Like I said before, I most want to improve on feeling like I don't know what I'm doing on the field or where I'm supposed to be and I'm hoping that watching other teams and seeing how they move together will help.

While I'm not saying it did any miracles, I still feel like it helped out.  One of the things I took away from watching the MLU games (I spend most of the time watching with my mouth open because my jaw keeps dropping at the plays) is to never give up on the disc until it literally hits the ground.  There were so many plays where I thought it would be a turnover but it would always end up being a recover or a point.  Like when you're going for the disc and you've got your man on you, just because they D it doesn't mean that it's over.  I saw that until it hits the ground, players would stay with it, stay looking out and when they did it, they would end up catching it or recovering the disc for a point, etc.

That actually happened today, actually!  Unfortunately, not for us.  Kev made this awesome D in the endzone, but unfortunately, instead of catching it, he smacked at it which is what I would normally do too and it happened that after he smacked it for the D, the guy in the endzone still ended up catching it.  #nicepassKev

And also, unfortunately for me, I forgot this lesson while on the field.  I totally just had a dumb moment.  We had possession and there was a turnover and for some reason, I forgot this and I started walking off the field to sub and damn if the girl I was defending didn't score a point off of me because of that.  But seriously.  WHO DOES THAT?!  Needless to say, I was SUPER mad at myself for that.

Aaaah well!  With that said, it looks like we may be in 2nd place and heading into the last game of the playoffs to play the number one team - which is the only team we've lost to in the entire season (to be fair, we were totally winning against them in the first half and we had some players missing.  Unfortunately, so did they but they ended up showing up in the second half to give them fresh legs and we tired out fast in the second half).

I'll actually be really sad to see the indoor season come to an end.  Come May, we'll be moving outdoors and the field is just so much bigger which means probably more running than I want to do *LOL*  But that's what I usually say about the transition.  I love whatever season I'm in until it's time to switch over.  Once I've gotten used to outdoors, I won't want to go back to indoors because the field is smaller which means I have to run around more and faster.  Aaaah, #grassisalwaysgreener mentality.

Anywho, smug winning smiles!  Probably more from me than Allie.  She's actually very nice and sweet.  I just wanted to beat them as much as possible.

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