Tuesday, March 25, 2014

DietBet Update: When it rains it pours...

So, my last update post, I chatted about how I wasn't satisfied with the scale reading going down because it was reinforcing bad habits, ie. losing weight while pretty much doing jack squat (is that even a saying?)
CONFESSION: I should have just went with it because my latest weigh-in...well, I'll just let it speak for itself, shall I?

Ummmm...hel-lo, breastfeeing.  I thought you had my back?
CONFESSION: Yes.  I was totally relying on breastfeeding to be like this miracle thing where I would totally do nothing and eat whatever I wanted and still swoop in and win my money back and (hopefully) then some.  I am also aware that the double-edged sword that is me hoping that I win more money than my own also means that I'm unintentionally hoping that someone doesn't win their bet.  Apparently, I'm an asshole.
The sad thing about all of this is is that I was really starting to try and then things happened.  That totally sounds like I'm about to give you all a bunch of excuses and cop-outs.  It might sound like it.  It probably is.  Quack, quack, right?
I started turning things around on my eating after I realized that my magical unicorn boobs weren't all that magical, and to whomever determined that a breastfeeding mom could burn up to 500 calories a day, I say to thee:
...and may the fleas of a thousand camels invade your pubes and may your arms be too short to reach them!

Yes, hell hath no fury than a post-partum woman who can't eat as much as she thought she could.
Where was I?  Oh right, I started turning my eating around very slowly and was getting back into the groove.  I was finally no longer wanting to vomit in my own mouth at the sight of a shake for breakfast once I changed some things around and tried something new (hello there, Amazing Grass) and I was slo-o-o-o-o-o-w-l-y starting to make some better food choices.  I was getting in some workouts and I was feeling kind of proud of myself for finally getting it together.
But when it rains, it pours.  I was pretending that my dry and tickle-y throat and itchy ears was impending allergies, but I caught myself a cold.  Which was fine.  One can still do many things with a cold.  But for some reason, having this cold did something to me and I was just hungry ALL. THE. TIME.  I was always under the impression that you were supposed to "feed a fever, starve a cold."  I didn't have a fever and I could have cut a Girl Guide for a box of cookies - and that's after I'd already eaten a big meal.  I couldn't stop feeling hungry.  
Then, one of my worst nightmares (and I have MANY) happened and I a couple of days after I finally admitted I had a cold, I heard a series of (the cutest) coughs and my heart broke.  The Little Miss had caught my cold and she caught it good.  Perhaps it sounds worse than it actually is or perhaps I am also batshit crazy paranoid as a new mom, but she was just so congested it sounded like she was having the hardest time breathing and she was coughing a LOT.  Enough that although I was fine thinking she had caught a cold, I ended up Google-ing "two month old baby coughing" and that's when the baby poop hit the fan.  All new mama's should have to turn in their Google access or something.  It's just not right.  I'm pretty sure my sanity is pretty much halfway gone because of Google search results.  It was at the point that I was no longer sleeping because I was too busy doing the 'creepy mom leaning over the crib watching to make sure the baby is breathing' thing.  
CONFESSION: I took a video clip of what I thought was her breathing funny and then called TeleHealth (sorry 'Merican friends, I'm not sure I have the time or energy to explain this...) and went through an assessment with the nurse.  She was getting on my nerves because they were yes or no questions and she would NOT let me elaborate.  She'd ask a question and I'd say "yes, but-" and she'd totally cut me off and move on to the next one.  Then after all that, she told me The Little Miss sounds like she'd just caught herself a cold and I totally didn't believe her - I mean...she can't even see her.  What does she even know?  Then her advice was to just keep a watch on it and then if things don't get better within two weeks then to call them again.  TWO WEEKS?  Is she freaking insane!?  I feel like waiting around for two weeks would just mean it would be too late by then.  Whatever happened to catching things early?!  TESTS!  I want TESTS!!!  I understand that I'm totally getting out of hand away from the topic here, but go with me...I swear this kind of does tie in!
So anyway.  There was that.  The day after she got her very first set of vaccinations (don't even get me started on that) I had a very familiar feeling on my nose.
SHINGLES.  Effing A.  
So I've had shingles a few times in my lifetime now.  If you don't know, shingles is caused by the chicken pox virus that never ever goes away and just hangs out in your body suppressed by your immune system until your immune system craps out (usually due to stress) and then voila.  Instead of chicken pox, you get shingles.  Highly contagious shingles.  Shingles that turn into chicken pox if a person who's never had them is exposed to it.  A person like my brand new little girl who has an immune system of....a brand new little girl.  I mean to say, pretty much nothing.
I literally cried myself to sleep that night.  I couldn't catch a break.  Here I am trying my HARDEST to get back into the healthy swing of things and nature and my body would not let me.  I cried because I was having some serious #MomFail complex so of course I was berating myself with all the reasons how this is all my fault and therein lay the part where I ran straight into the loving arms of carbs.
I smell like sour milk and failure.
P.S. Feelings taste so good!

Moving on.  Things are (hopefully) clearing up (knock on wood) and The Little Miss is starting to sound a lot better, though still congested and still coughing intermittently.  I have been able to get in a couple Focus T25 workouts, logged my first two official 5Ks for 2014 and things are finally starting to look a little less embarrassing on the frisbee field.  My food choices are starting to be better and I have the fear of failure in sight which is working out to be a very good motivator.
I'm in a better place now and no longer banking on other methods besides better food choices and exercising.  I would like to remind myself that this game does not define me and it will not break me.  I have made some poor choices during this run and there were things that happened outside of my control that I allowed to take over my eating choices that I COULD have controlled.  It's over and done with and I am moving on.  I have two weeks left to show myself that I'm serious about the decisions I have made concerning my health and that's the best I can ask of myself if I know that I really put some solid effort into it. 
As a show of good faith, I'll do another weigh-in tomorrow and I also just realized that I never posted any "before" pics.  Either for the DietBet or at all since being post-preggers.  
GOALS FOR THIS WEEK: 
Eat breakfast - in the form of a shake/smoothie or otherwise
Plan better - meals for the upcoming weeks, shop ONLY for ingredients that fit the planned meals
Move every day

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