Thursday, March 13, 2014

DietBet Update: Good girls want bad things...

Dear Winter,
Please, kindly...shove off.
You can imagine what I'd REALLY like to say.
So, after the lovely spring-like DAY that we experienced where I was able to actually get out with The Little Miss and the pup, I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that it felt like we were pretty much buried under snow again.  Hel-looo, we bought a snow blower this year so that Murphy could do his thing and there'd be NO snow to blow.  We weren't actually planning on using it.  Clearly Mother Nature did NOT get the memo on that or Murphy is slacking.  
I can't believe this is ME saying this, but I want to RUN!  
And I want to run OUTSIDE!
If Once the weather starts getting nicer and if once we finally start getting some good heat up in this places, I swear I will throat punch the first person who complains that it's too hot out.

CONFESSION: I'm not kidding.

In other news this week, the DietBet got underway and it's...going!

With that quick sneak peek into spring (please tell me that wasn't actually the only spring we're going to see/feel) where we had a beautiful two days of above freezing temperatures, I was able to get outside.  Unfortunately, just like the snow, it was all downhill from there.  I took the walks at a nice stroll (read: snail's pace) because I was banking on the fact that I was going to be going all-out during Ultimate Frisbee yesterday.  What I wasn't banking on was the stupid weather and the fact that the game would be cancelled.  Hence no going all-out anywhere...except to the kitchen...

So this happened... donut can also be subjective.  Insert pretty much any other word in there.  If it was deep-fried, crammed with sugar and/or deliciously salty.  I wanted it.  In. My. BELLEH.
I forgot to mention it a few days ago, but portion control was also one of the challenges I'd been facing recently.  I went into this week with the best intentions: Make good choices.  Portion control.  Eat small.  Eat often.
But then...
I'm breastfeeding, man!  I know I read somewhere that I need to eat more than the average bear person.
But I can never just have a little.  I always have to have the hand that feeds the horse...or however that saying goes...?

I'm so weak...
Unfortunately, when DietBet prompted me to do an unofficial weigh-in, the scale said I was down 2.2 lbs.
You might find yourself asking why this is categorized as "unfortunately" since the game seems to think I'm on my way.  This right there is one of the main reasons why I don't like to refer or to even think of anything that I'm doing as a diet.  Because it's not.  It's supposed to be a permanent and lifelong effort to change mine and my family's entire lifestyle for the better.  For HEALTH.  Therefore, it should NOT be about the scale - even if it's perhaps showing good numbers.
I don't just want to be skinny, I want to be strong.  I don't just want smaller sized clothes, I want to be healthy.  I don't want to just be awake, I want to THRIVE.  
I know these things.  I want these things.  But I continue to do the opposite of what will put me on that path.
Then there's also the added things that I know that I'm not alone.  What I put into me affects not just me, but a whole other person.  And I can't seem to really factor that in and ensure that my food choices are not just for me, but for The Little Miss.  So of course, referring back to my post from Wednesday about priorities, there's GUILT.  It shouldn't be so hard for me to make good/better food choices.  I should need to.  I should WANT to because it's for my child.  If I was a good mom, I would be doing what was best for my child.  I would be putting her needs above my own and it won't even matter what I wanted.  It's a no brainer, right?  Everyone else can do it.  So why can't I?
Yep, that's everything running through my brain.  Then of course, I start to feel like a complete failure again and then I want more donuts (or whatever).  It's a vicious cycle, y'all.
But there.  What's done is done.  I acknowledge that it was not all I had hoped it would be for this week, but I still have a few more days to go before this week is officially behind me in no-man's land.  I can continue to guilt myself and keep running into the soft, fluffy, arms of donuts and the like, but let's face it.  Donuts are backstabbing bitches.  They'll hold you and comfort you to your face and then talk smack about your gut and thighs.  That makes no sense.  I was hoping I could tie it in.  I really just wanted to call donuts some names.
But this here is why this blog exists.  It's for ME.  It's to document and reflect on things that I've been through so that later on, I can look back and see where I've come.  In times like this, it also exists so that I could help myself.  Remind myself.  Inspire myself.  I had originally written this post in the hopes that my one year journey to a healthy lifestyle change would help even just one person on their own journey. I was able to find it and read through it and remind myself why I'm in this.
Who would have thunk that I would be helping myself!

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