Monday, October 21, 2013

All The. Small Things.

I couldn't type that title at all without singing it out.  Bonus points to who can tell me the song - especially because at this point, I can only remember just THAT part and I have no idea who sings it.  Save me a Google search, won't you? *LOL*
....aaaaand of course it's been a million bajillion years since I last posted even though I promised that I would do it more regularly.  It's not that I'm sitting here thinking that there's people out there dying to know what I've been up to, but I know that later on down the road, I'll want to recall things that have been happening and I'll have NADA.  Especially with this interesting preggo brain experience.  I have the memory capacity of a...*insert something with a really bad memory here*
I was just sitting here (it's 7:50 pm) getting mad at myself because I want to eat something and I'm thinking it's because I'm bored and have nothing to do when I realize that my shepherd's pie that I packed for lunch is currently sitting in the microwave at work.  Where I heated it up at 2:00 pm to eat.  Huh.  Preggo brain is no jokes, my friend.  Apparently, it seems to be doing a number on me, but I think I'd like to look at it that I'm just THAT dedicated a minion employee.
I've sat down to type up a blog post before, but thinking back to the last time I posted - donkey race - and all the things that happened in between (which isn't really that much, in terms of BIG happenings) and I get all overwhelmed and am like, 'ah eff it!'
So I figure I'll kind of just do a point form of sorts (sorry Andre, it still will probably be a pretty long post *LOL*) and get caught up, maybe now that I'm moving closer to the third trimester and my energy seems to be dwindling slowly, I'll have more time to hang out in bed and post more...who knows!
Off the top of my head: All Things Baby
Girlfriend is hanging out chillin' like a villain in there and at times, I'm convinced she's making like a ballerina and twisting and twirling about in there.  She's not so much a martial artists in the kicks and jabs as I don't feel those as often as I feel the flutters and squirming.  Even though it catches me off guard and I love it, it's also really pretty creepy.  There's a moving humanoid in there.  Doing acrobatics.  Inside my belly.  Sometimes, when she kicks or punches, I can actually see my stomach jolt out of the corner of my eye.  And then in a few months, whatever was inside me will be outside of me.  Being all real, human person.  Just blows my mind, I tell you!
Source: © Lolita aka My Mama
Thanksgiving 2013
CONFESSION: Speaking of Thanksgiving, I totally had this freak out moment where I realized I hadn't felt the baby move around as much as usual and I was scared that because I was feeling so SUPER, PAINFULLY full from all the food I stuffed into my face that my expanded stomach was suffocating the baby.  
Besides talking about it on here and hashtagging some photos on IG, I guess I haven't talked - or even announced - that Bart and I are expecting.  So it kind of threw me when we had an impromptu photo session at my parents during Thanksgiving and I posted up one of the pictures I liked and everyone started congratulating us.  It gave my heart warm fuzzies, though.  Should have made an official announcement sooner! *LOL* 
Source: Instagram

Source: Instagram
Was on a bit of a crafty kick for a couple of weeks.  I know I've mentioned on here (I think!?) that my friend Melissa is also preggo and is about six weeks behind me (which we are pretty PUMPED about and have all these unrealistic ideas that we'll be happily pushing smiling chubby babies around in their strollers while hanging out at the mall and going to 'mom and me' movie afternoons at the theatre - where in real life, we're pretty aware that reality will kick our butts and it'll be a good day when we can make it through the day without very bad thoughts or crying into diapers or something).  Totally forgot where I was going with all that...oh, right!  So I'm helping throw her a shower and that totally brought out the Martha in me!  She's not a shower-y type and she didn't want a bridal shower, but she's letting me have my way with her getting a baby shower and I'm going all sorts of crazy!  It's a tea party theme and I'm super excited about it.  I wish it would come sooner actually.  
One of the weekends, I went with my mama to help her out with Tiana's dance stuff.  I mistakenly thought it was an expo of some sort, but when I got there, I realized it was some kind of dance workshop/competition.  So again, I was plunged into the world of crazy, competitive dance with crazy, competitive dance moms.  I stare at them strangely and in horror now, but we all know that once my little munchkin can hold her own head up on two feet, I'm going to put all other dance moms to shame.  So the workshops totally felt like I was in a "So You Think You Can Dance" audition or something.  There were dancers ERRYWHERE.  Doing their stretching, being all bendy and stuff and then they had these breakout groups where they'd learn a quick dance number and then have to know it within like, 5 seconds or something or you'll never have a future in dance and why did you even come?  I mean, they don't actually TELL you that, but it's implied.  Obvs.  
On the lunch break, we went to grab something really quick at Tim Horton's and I totally went all stalker crazy when I saw this guy:
Source: Instagram

I mean for reals.  I know I shouldn't be posting pictures up of people on the interwebs without their permission, but I think you don't need it if you look famous or something.  Or like ROYALTY!  My mom only semi-judged me when I took this photo from super far away, but she drew the line at taking my picture as I casually stood near him so we could get a picture together *LOL*  I don't really have celebrity interests, but me and Prince William kind of go way back where I believe in his heart he knows he should have married me, hence, marrying someone else named Catherine.  
Me and Running
Still going at it.  Kind of.  If you can really even call what I do running these days anymore.  
I know people keep telling me that I'm pregnant, I'm carrying a human and all that jazz, but sometimes it's so HARD not to freak out about how I can't run anymore.  I think especially because it took a REALLY long time to be able to even say that what I do is running.  Then all of a sudden, bam! It's gone just like that.  And then the competitive person in me keeps seeing how other people are improving by being able to keep at it and I'm doing the complete opposite.  Actually, that applies more specifically to frisbee.  I miss it like nobody's business!  That's where I catch myself with all these bitter feelings watching other people on the field and they get to run around catching discs and scoring points.  I know I started out awful.  And I always took comfort in the fact that there were other people who were just as awful as I was.  But now, I watch them on the sidelines and all of a sudden they're super good.  They're getting all this time while I'm sidelined to get better than me.  And then when I come back, I'll suck and they'll be prancing around me, grabbing discs in the air, when in REAL life, before all this happened, we all know I was better than they were! *shudders*  I never said that this blog was a beautiful portal of insight into my thoughts...


But let's forget about other people.  I don't really feel that way about running - even frisbee, I guess.  I know that there will always be someone better at something.  It's just the way of it.  I think I'm just competitive and for the most part, it's really against myself.  Take this weekend for example.
This weekend, we'll be heading over to Niagara Falls to the Niagara Falls International Marathon.  Of course we're only signed up for the 5K (and this year the 2K cuz I got greedy and wanted two medals) but this run is kind of important to me in that it was the VERY FIRST official run that I ever signed up for.   That was about three years ago...or is it four now?  Meh, whatevs.  But that was the first race that we signed up for in order to have a goal to run to.  That's what started us on our Couch to 5K adventure and what kept us going through it because we knew we were going to Niagara.  I finished with a time an official chip time of 40 minutes and 13 seconds.  I always thought that the next time I ran it (we signed up again the next year, but we'd kind of dwindled off on the running so just didn't end up going and the year after that - or last year - we didn't even bother to sign up because I had just started my weigh-loss journey and hadn't started running again yet).  I had always thought that the next time I ran this race, I would have a better time.  I mean, what's the point of doing something again if not to better yourself, right?!  Judging from my 5K times lately, not only am I not slated to PR this race (compared to last time), I'm set to be SLOWER.  
Yes!  I know there's that whole, but you're pregnant.  Human. Inside.  But SportStat doesn't know that.  It will just list my next time underneath my old time and it will just look like I got slower.  There isn't a spot anywhere that I can write "I was 28 weeks pregnant here".  *pouts*
I know I'm being such a complete brat about this, and I know there are good reasons and that I should be happy that I'm still even getting out at all like a lot of people have mentioned to me, it's just...sad sometimes.  And don't get me wrong, not sad in that I wish I WASN'T pregnant or I regret this little munchkin because I already LOVE her like nobody's business, but you know.  I think it's worse because I had made a lot of progress and improvement prior.  I got a taste of what it was like to be...good at something that I was very CLEARLY not good at and it's hard to go back to that - for any reason.  Even if only for a little while.  Because you know what?  What if it ISN'T only for a little while?  What if the reality of me having a little one totally kicks my butt and I'm not able to go back? Or I lose my will? My motivation?  And Fat Catherine takes over?!
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So this post totally took a life of it's own. 
I really thought it was just going to be a bunch of small updates about what I've been up to lately.  But, there it is.  Now that my fingers have run away with themselves on the keyboard, can't really do anything about it.  I mean, I've thought those things and it's all true...but it just looks way more real when it's out there like that.  Explains why my stats really bother me and why I can't bring myself to stop keeping track.  
Of course I know a lot of my fears are unfounded or not based on anything concrete.  Heck, my favourite fitness blogger Courtney has TWO kids and a business and a home life and a husband and she juggles it all and then some.  It can be done.  It's all a matter of wanting it bad enough.  So maybe my fear isn't that I've reached the pinnacle of my healthiest success.  It's that I won't have the motivation to try to get back at it.  And really, who am I to say that that will happen if I want it bad enough?  Is the fear then that I don't want it bad enough?  Who knows?  I don't really know what to expect, but I guess it's on me, isn't it?  Nobody ever said there was an expiry date to this fitness thing.  It didn't give me a timeline that said in exactly SIX weeks from the day I give birth, I must be ready to roll with my Skoras on and out the door and I must crank out a PR three weeks from that date.  Maybe I'm thinking it, and maybe it's my goal, but so what if the timing isn't exactly as I mapped out?  I just have to want it and then I just have to work at doing it.  A little bit at a time. 
I'm having a breakdown of the things I can't handle with life as a mom and I'm not even a mom yet!
So, in an attempt to lighten up the onslaught of fears and misgivings I just plopped down...here's an un-mom-like moment:

Aaaaand on that note, I think I'll give 'er a close for the evening!  Next post: All about Niagara!!!  And (hopefully) tons of pictures of my TWO medals! *LOL*

2 comments:

Emily said...

All The Small Things, by Blink 182! :)

Catherine said...

Thanks, Em! Go figure it would be something simple like that! *LOL*

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