Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Never too soon to stop and say THANKS!

For my male readership who have mentioned that they visit here and then kind of just stop reading after the first paragraph because my blog posts are too long, this section is for you: THANK YOU :) For putting up with me and my weight-loss/lifestyle change journey in real life AND for even clicking on my blog link in the first place.  You guys are the best :)

For everyone else who doesn't usually mind that I can ramble on for quite a bit...

Most of the time, I usually err on the more paranoid side.  I'm too conscious of everything and sometimes, I wish I could learn to just do things without thinking or caring about what other people think, but for the most part, I'm the one who overthinks things too much.  Especially when it comes to people and social media.

I think because social media makes everything and everyone so accessible to pretty much every aspect of your life and at the same time, it lets you push every aspect of your life to almost anyone, I try very hard not to take advantage of that.  At least, I hope I've been doing well trying to not take advantage of it.  Now, I'm getting paranoid I'm giving myself more credit than I deserve! *LOL* Aaaah, endless/vicious cycle!

I think I'll have to lay out some examples to try to get out what I mean. 

For example...going back to E-Mails when E-Mails were the primary means to contact someone.  I treated it as a privilege to have someone's E-Mail address.  Just because I had it, I told myself it didn't give me free reign to use it and I could send a person anything I wanted.  Which meant that whenever I received a forward or chain letter, it ALWAYS died with me.  No matter what the chain letter promised.  EVEN when it said severe things like "if you don't forward this to at least 10 people, clearly you don't love or have time for Jesus."  I wouldn't cave - and for the record, I like to think that the God I worship does not put base my faith/devotion on the amount of E-Mail forwards I'm sending.

Moving forward technologically, when I got a Blackberry and began adding people to my BBM contact list, just because I had their PIN didn't mean I could just go and bother people any time I felt like it.  This meant that if I got a forward or those global message thingies, I would not go ahead and send them to the rest of my contacts.  I did not PING people and I did not send out any of my own mass messages. 

When Facebook happened, and everyone was posting anything and everything on their status ie. I'm pooping.  I refrained from it.  All because my thought process kept leading me to think that just because I could didn't mean that I should - or that anyone really wanted to hear it.

I am usually so paranoid about this that I probably tend to go overboard the opposite way.  I don't write people back when they send me a message because I don't want to be the person that you can never shake off of your messaging platform - you know which one I mean.  There's always someone who you message good night or see you later to signal the end of a conversation and they still shoot you back with a good night and then five seconds later a happy face....and then a Zzzz emoticon.  And then a sad face.  And you're just like, STOP. IT.  I feel like I'd rather come off as the rude person than the techno-leech that no one can shake. 

Or when I message, I always feel like I'm bothering someone and I don't want to.  Before when it was just telephones as the main point of contact, I know some families have rules about no answering during dinner or things like that.  Now that there's so many avenues to contact a person, it's harder to do that and I don't want to be the person that is constantly messaging while people are trying to eat or you know, heaven forbid, during sexy time or something!  I mean, I know that people could put their phones on silent or have the ball in their court to make sure they're not bothered if they don't want to be bothered, but still.  I just don't want to be THAT person.  Heck, I'm stressing myself out about it right now and totally forgetting the whole point of why I'm posting! *LOL*

I'm more lenient with myself through Instagram and Twitter since it moves so quickly that it's not like you can really bombard someone's feed with just the things you're posting.  Plus, with the whole "follow" thing, I figure if someone didn't want to see what I had to post, they could just unfollow and it would be cool.  My blog is the same.  I am allowing myself this space since I'm not technically shoving it down people's throats.  Nobody has to be subjected to all my diatribes if they don't want to, whereas in a newsfeed, you kind of have no choice whether you see it or not, it will just be there until you block me *LOL*

But I guess what I'm getting at is that lately, I've been sharing a lot more of myself through the various platforms and I've been posting more updates on Facebook than I usually do.  Of course because this is pretty much what my life consists of (running, trying to eat healthy and weight-loss) it's pretty much the only thing I post about and I know that can get irritating.  I can totally feel like people are rolling their eyes at me and are saying, "We GET IT. You lost weight! STFU already!"

I just can't help it.  I know it can get annoying but I've just been feeling so proud of myself lately and accomplished and successful that it's hard not to share it.  To finally start posting pictures of me up where I'm not trying to hide my body behind something.  And from a person who couldn't even run ONE MINUTE, I can't help but be excited to post pictures of the data that now shows that I can run a minute, heck, I can run a lot of minutes!

I mentioned this earlier to Melissa during our GTalk session (which I used to get paranoid over that I was messaging her too much while she's trying to work, but after 3 or 4 years of it, I think we've finally hit a good groove/understanding of the amount we can chat to each other during the day and still get work done - at least I think we do.  Aw man, I hope we're on the same page about that! LOL) anywho, where was I? Oh yes, I mentioned to her after I posted my latest blog post on Facebook that I was worried that people were starting to get sick of me and my dumb updates and she was kind enough to tell me that she didn't think so and that it's a good thing since maybe there might be someone out there who it inspires to eat better/move more/change lifestyle over and that made me feel better.  And she also said if they really didn't want to see it, Facebook provides a way to lessen the amount of content they see from me so they can always go ahead and do that.  Just because it's up there doesn't mean they have to read it - or comment about it.

And I'm trying to get into that mindset. 

It hit me earlier again this evening when some of my friends posted about the picture I posted over lunch.  I didn't even think anything of my posting it.  Tara and I went for a run at lunch and I went ahead and wore the weirdest looking outfit that I could find that would irritate Tara and I made an Instagram collage including my run data and anything else I took a picture of that was run-related.  Of the people posting really AWESOME and encouraging things, I started getting paranoid again and started thinking, "Aw man, do people think I only post these so that they can continue to say how awesome they think I am and how great I look?" and I started feeling bad for posting it because I don't want people to think that because that's NOT why I was posting it. 

Then of course, I get in this weird crazy (or IS IT?), downward thought spiral that I am sure you are currently feeling so fortunate to have front-row seats for and now I had a moment where I felt like I didn't want to post anything again weight-loss related.

My mind is seriously all over the place about this...

But I'm trying to stop from freaking out about it and what I really want to say is THANK YOU.  Because even though I don't post my updates and new pictures for the sole purpose of getting the comments I've been getting (even though I read EVERY SINGLE ONE multiple times and feel so proud and happy and grateful to get them), I do have to admit that I am posting those for MY benefit so that probably is why I'm so freaked out about it right now...

Posting updates and goals on Facebook and in public has been 100% for my purpose.  Because it helps me keep going.  Not just for the encouragement and support but just for accountability for myself - and also a reward, so I guess that part really is about getting to read nice comments.

Knowing that I'm going to post stats about my run pushes me to go farther.  I joke about it, but it's really true.  Why would I want to post a run all over Facebook showing that I ran for 4.3 km when I can post stats showing that I ran 5 km?  That's what I tell myself when I am feeling really tired at 4.3 km and justify to myself it's okay to just stop.  I would tell myself, okay, you can stop here at 4.3 km and post that result on Facebook, but wouldn't you rather post that you did 5 km?  And for me, that is motivation enough for me to keep going.  Even if it is at a slower pace, it helps me go on when otherwise, I would have allowed myself to stop.  I know that sometimes, especially during running, I'm my own worst enemy and knowing that I can post things on Facebook helps me overcome myself when I'm not pushing me hard enough. 

So!  After aaaaaaaaaaaaall of that, in a super roundabout way with a small paranoid meltdown thrown in for good measure, what I REALLY wanted to say is THANK YOU.

THANK YOU to everyone on Facebook and in all the other social media that I try very hard not to abuse, thank you for putting up with me or at the very least for not telling me to shut up about it already.  That alone is worth a lot to me.  Thank you for giving me a place to a space to just splash around what I'm going through and thinking and doing and thank you for letting me use that space as a platform to make myself better than what I used to be content to settle for and thank you for giving me a reason to push myself more.  Even if it was at the expense of your various newsfeeds, be it Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. 

Moreover, thank you for not just giving me the space to do all that, but it goes BEYOND measure that besides just tolerating it, you've given me so much more.  Let me be honest when I say that I am GRATEFUL for every single time I log onto Facebook and see a little notification sign that says one of you commented on something that I have posted.  I get excited every time I see it and I am ALWAYS touched and humbled and validated and uplifted when I see the comments you leave. For myself, especially on this journey, I have to say that validation goes a LONG way.  Especially when my weight-loss has always been somewhat of a mystery and struggle for me.  For some reason, it's harder for me to see any changes or differences, or even when I am met with them, to believe them.  To get messages and even the likes...it tells me I'm onto something and I'm on the right path and I am always grateful that someone has taken the time to give me that.

CONFESSION: For every single comment, I have a "they like me! They REALLY like me!" moment.  No lie.  I bask in it. #aintnoshameinmygame

So I know I've made you work hard and read a lot to get to your thank you but I'm hoping that you made it through and that you REALLY know how much it means to me.  Every thumbs up.  Every like.  Every "good job".  Like that saying goes: every little bit helps. 

And I hope what Melissa told me to reassure me is true for someone.  If I could pay forward the encouragement and support I received to help someone else along the way to whatever goal it is they're trying to achieve, if it's health or fitness or anything, I would be SO happy to do so and I really hope I get a chance to!

In the meantime, because it's still super ingrained in me, I will be sure to keep my Facebook newsfeed blasts at a minimum and just stick to Instagram and Twitter where people have more of a choice and control over whether or not they want to hear/see my updates! :)

On the same note, if you've got a blog or a Twitter/IG feed for whatever it is you are setting out to achieve or are working towards or heck, you just want more people to see what you're up to/thinking, definitely let me know.  I'm a fan of blogs - especially ones with LONG posts! (True story!) let me know and I'm your girl! 

P.S. It was also mentioned to me that my COMMENTS setting made it hard for people to leave comments here because they didn't necessarily have any of the accounts needed to log in and leave one, so I've made changes to that, too.  So, feel free to drop me a line through here anytime as well! :D




1 comment:

Marti Wills said...

OMG so funny! i so know what you mean. at the same time i so DON'T see you as being worried about what other people think. AND one of the highlights of my day is Gtalking with ya AND dude you are my hugest motivator! and not just cuz i am scared of our running together when you are here HAHHAHAH!!!!! love you to pieces! oh and your long posts are perfectly ok because they are FUNNY. if they were boring it would be a WHOLE nother story! will send you my cardio blog tomorrow when i get it up and going

ok my word in word verification is "usedooki" really??????

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