Sunday, April 14, 2013

Do you even lift, bro?

First off:

*cries* No, no I don't!

Remember at the end of yesterday's post how I was kind of bragging about how I went and lifted?  No, you didn't get that far down because you got tired of me going on and on? Or was it the American thing and being scary dance moms?

Yeah, well, I got a little over-excited about it I guess and what happened?! This girl would have cried herself to sleep if it wasn't for the extra strength *insert name brand pain killer here*.  Holy lanta, what part of me didn't hurt!?

I was T-Rexing today at ultimate frisbee and I didn't even care.
I don't even know who I should blame it all on.  I think probably Shaun T. for making me feel all Insanity badass that I could just walk up and lift weights, no big deal.

I have to do it again, don't I?

Yesterday, I stuck to the stationary machines because those were the least intimidating.  Not that I'm saying they weren't.  I think I circled my first machine a few times all casual-like before I determined a few things:

One. That nobody was looking at me clearly thinking I had no idea what the heck I was doing
and Two. Walking around it trying not to look like I was reading the picture instructions so I could just walk up to it later and act like I always knew what to do with it when I got there.

While I was sitting at the machines, I was covertly trying to watch the ladies at the free weights without looking too much like a creepy stalker.  A couple times, my eyes met one of the girls lifting in the mirror and it was all awkwardsauce while I looked away real quick and pretended that obvi, I'm SUPER into my OWN weight lifting to pay attention to what she's doing.  But seriously, I was trying to commit what she was doing to memory.

After walking around and doing other machines, I finally got up enough nerve to try the assisted chin-up/dip machine and looked like I complete loser after clambering up the steps and getting my knees onto the pads and then hanging on for dear life only to find...nothing.  I forgot to change the weights on the side of the machine so I was just kind of kneeling there mid-air doing nothing and trying to look like that was all part of the plan before slooooowly climbing back down and fiddling with the weights.

I am a completely n00b with weights, y'all and I need HELP.

Later, I was "stretching" on the mat but really I was trying to download a weight training app onto my iPod but the connection was too slow and wouldn't load.

For my strong girls out there, help a sister out, won't you?  What are some actual legit free weight exercises that I can feel confident doing without wondering if some girl back there on the treadmill is cocking her head to the side while looking at me wondering wtf it is that I'm doing with the weights!?  Better yet, why don't you come WITH me?  I also want to try that long bar across my shoulders and do squats with it.  I went near it twice, but no amount of walking around it trying to look at the picture instructions was helping me out.  I figured if I even tried, I'd probably drop it across my neck.

Do you lift?  How did you learn?  Know of any good step-by-step exercises (preferably with photos - or heck, just go ahead and send me a YouTube link) for a newbie?  What's your favourite move to help pump you up to get your guns blazing?


Marti Wills said...

Oh. EM. GEE! you freakin crack me up!!!!!!! i swear you are my long lost twin - STILL surprises me how alike we are because that is SO what i would be doing IF i ever set foot in a gym. which i did. once. in like 1996. but seriously - kev can HOOK YOU UP with a free weight training program. you know after we go clothes and gadget shopping for me. he used to have me doing one.

Courtney said...

I'm available to "lift" anytime on Monday night if you're around ;) I'll give you a copy of my routine!

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