Thursday, November 8, 2012

Insanity Day 23: If it doesn't challenge you... doesn't change you.

Gotta love a little distraction every now and again.

I logged on after my workout as I usually try to do and I was ready to blog that this workout - or rather TODAY, for that matter - Sucked.  With a capital S.

I had a bad day at work and I let its toxicity creep into every other part of my life.  I let it affect my attitude for the rest of the day, I let it affect my outlook on today and I let it affect my workout.  And then after all that was said and done, I was mad at myself for letting it happen.

Before I started blogging, I got distracted and was looking through my Facebook newsfeed and one of my friends happened to post this:

If that isn't some kind of sign, well then I don't know what is.

But I don't know to excuse it or explain it away or find another way of looking at it that makes what I did (or didn't do, to be more honest) okay.  A series of situations happened that sucked but I still had the choice and the option to make of that whatever I would.  I chose to let it destruct the rest of my day and that's on me.

I was trying to psych myself up as I was on my way home because I knew there was a little blank box that was waiting for a checkmark and bad mood or not, I was NOT going to let ANYTHING keep me away from that box.  As soon as I got home, I knew I was flirting right on the edge of the "I don't want to work out today" line and so instead of trying to force it and scare myself off the wrong side of the ledge, I started coaxing myself instead.  I got home and I put on my HRM watch as I let Chewy out in the backyard.  As I was waiting for him to finish his business, I wandered around the house until, oh look, I'm in my room and there are some workout clothes.  Might as well put them on.  On my way to let Chewy back in, I grabbed my shoes. And so on and so forth until finally, I was all dressed with nothing to do but work out or just quit right then and there and call it a day.

I remembered all the encouraging comments I'd been getting lately and my friend Kelly just telling me it's just about pushing play so I pressed the play button and as the DVD slowly started to make it's way to the workout, I told myself that today's hard day was the PERFECT excuse to go just that little bit harder.

I couldn't control the situation at work?  Well I could control this DVD.  I couldn't stop the ridiculousness of some people, watch them try and stop me from working out.  I really, REALLY tried, but I just could not get out of my head.  So at the end of the day, I burned my lowest amount of calories and I was mad at myself for not finding it in me to dig deeper.
If I was a movie, I did NOT have the inspirational, slow-motion moment where the audience is convinced that I'm done and I've got nothing left, except, cue music, there I go.  Nope.  I moved my body grudgingly and told Shaun T he could suck it because I wasn't digging anywhere!

I almost didn't want to put my checkmark in the box today because it felt a little like I was cheating myself.  But I did because I remembered that today, during tricep dips, I was able to get my butt up in the air for a few of those dips.  First time in 4 weeks.  I may not have been in the zone and I may not be feeling like I hate it my all, but I showed up and I worked.

I'm going to let myself have today and the moment and the mood that I'm in but I'm going to put a stop to it as well.  By the time I'm done writing this post Catherine from today is going to call it a day and shake this bad mood off.

I will push myself.

I will make mistakes.

But I will not excuse myself.

I will not stop myself.

Or sabotage myself.

I will not belittle my attempts.

I will overcome.

I am proud of myself.

I will move forward.

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