Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Thoughts on Thirty...

Today is a big day for me.  Perhaps that's why I'm still up - trying to soak up every minute of it and sad to see it go.
 
It's my 30th birthday today!

 
 
But I think it's more than that.  I know I love my birth day but this year, it's so much more than a numerical milestone for me.  I got the BEST gift (you know, besides the gift of LIFE and all) and it came from me!
 
I gave myself a chance and I'm entering my thirties feeling the most proud of myself that I've felt in a long time.
 
I feel like my sentences are jumping around all over the place and I guess it's because I've got so many things running through my mind - or I just finished working out and my endorphins are working overtime!  Whichever it is, I hope I make sense and that I don't lose you!
 
I'm going to describe my twenties as the experimental stage.  For a while, I was looking at it the wrong way and feeling down that I was describing myself as the starter/non-finisher.  I started many hobbies and stopped them cold turkey without ever really looking back.  For a while, I figured that that was just who I was.  The girl who starts stuff and never really finishes or sees anything through. And even though it got me down every once in a while, overall, I seemed to be okay with this assessment. 
 
Now that I've dipped my big toe into this ocean of 30, I feel like I want to look at life from this side a bit differently.  Now, instead of thinking that I'm just this big giant quitter (though perhaps I really was), I'd like to think of it as trying out new things.  What's the point of trying new things out and experiencing new things if you restrict yourself to the fact that if you try this "thing" that you can ONLY do this "thing" forever and ever.
 
I tried cardmaking, scrapbooking, stamping, etc. and realized I loved it.  And then I moved on.  It doesn't mean that I will never do it again, but I've experienced it.  I know it.  I liked it.  I can put it aside and I know it will wait there for me again until life has a place for it again.  I tried running.  Nowhere in there did I ever feel like I loved it, but I finished the C25K program and I ran a 5K and there it was.  Instead of thinking that I just quit, I'm going to allow myself permission to realize that I didn't love it as much as everyone said I should feel I should, so I can move on.  I did it.  Not loving it and not wanting to do it all the time doesn't make me a quitter.  I tried baking and cake decorating.  I liked it, realized I was moderately good at it and unfortunately, even if I was going to describe it as quitting, it's not as easy to quit from.  *LOL* Apparently, once people know you make cakes, you can't make them forget as fast as they forgot you used to be a 'runner'.  And unfortunately for me (and fortunately for them!), I have a hard time saying no. 
 
Anywho, I've digressed. 

It's hard not to look back and reflect after hitting some significant moments.  What I've been trying to get around to mentioning is that today also marks the day that I finish my very first round of Insanity.  I've got a wall calendar with 62 checkmarks all over it - one for every work out box.

I DID IT.  I have started my 30th year on a fitness streak...and I gotta say, it feels pretty darn good!  30 year old Catherine can do 100% more push-ups than 29 year old Catherine and that already means so much more to me! 30 year old Catherine can also fit into ALL the clothes in 29 year old Catherine's closet - even those ones that have been hanging around in there for YEARS! 

I gotta say that 30 year old Catherine is feeling pretty darn smug right about now - although I think I'd like to refer to it as PROUD.

Gonna end here for now as I have way too many thoughts running around through my head and if I try to think through all of them just to get them blogged, I'll never get a post up!  Hope 30 year old Catherine updates her blog more, though! :P

 

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