...okay, so perhaps that may be a slight exaggeration, but it's pretty darn close.
I may have dropped off the blogosphere for a bit, but not from the wonderful world of Insanity - though it did slow down a bit!
Lemme back-track if I can, here. That's why I always want to get my blogging done immediately after a workout so that I can make sure everything is still fresh - yes, even the sweat!
My last entry was my flipping out (as much as a semi-conscious person can) after "recovery". I'm still having a bit of trouble getting shirts on and off because I tore up my elbows pretty good with those high plank/low planks! Gotta say, they do make for some excellent conversation though when people ask what happened to my elbows and I have to explain that I got them from Insanity. *LOL* CONFESSION: Totally feel hardcore when I explain it to people.
There were a couple non-Insanity days the last few days that I was stressing out over, but it's the holidays! Friday I didn't have time to do any workout because it was my husband's work Christmas party.
What can I say about that party besides *wince* I started off with the best of intentions. I had given myself some limits and allowed some leniency. I don't drink so wasn't really tempted by the open bar, but I did allow myself one virgin caesar (and it was SO good I decided I wasn't going to think about the three days' worth of sodium I probably consumed). Dinner, I was okay with. I relaxed a little and I opted to have the salad with the cream dressing and did away with the delicious crusty rolls and butter. I made sure I had more greens than dressing and then I turned down pasta and chose instead to have one small roasted potato. Since they were small, I let myself have two, but ended up trading the other one away to my husband in exchange for his extra piece of roast beef. So I had a moderate portion of roast beef and a small chicken breast with the beef "au jus". I was pretty proud of myself for my give and take attitude. I was happy with my choices and sat down and ate. They announced dessert and I didn't even care because first off, it was in a completely other room so I would have had to get up out of my chair and walk down a hallway to get it (still lazy LOL) and second, sweets aren't really my thing. So I had no qualms about missing dessert.
.............................so the thing is, though....
I don't like a lot of sweets. You can put 50 chocolate bars in front of me and I won't even be tempted to eat even one. But this particular hotel where the party was hosted has a specialty bread pudding. I was fine when I thought that they were going to serve a cheesecake or something generic that hotels would normally serve as dessert at a wedding or something. But someone walked in with a dessert plate of bread putting with caramel rum/butter sauce and I was out of my seat and out the door before I could even register the fact that my eyes had zeroed in on that plate like I was a frickin' spy satellite from space. I'm Asian so I'd never even heard of bread pudding until two years ago when my husband and my in-laws first started having Christmas dinner at this hotel. So basically, for the last two years, I've only had bread pudding ONCE in a whole YEAR. This year, we're going away for Christmas so that means I would miss my ONE chance to have it this year. And now all of a sudden, here it is being presenting itself to me. It was FATE. Shaun T and his angels were practically saying, "here you go: you've EARNED this." You can't just ignore Shaun T sending you a message like that!
While eating this pretty hefty pile of bread putting smothered in sauce, I'm telling my husband that I'm not going to be mad at myself for eating this. I haven't fallen off the wagon or been particularly bad in a long time. I'm going for it!
Once it was gone, I was so mad at myself. Ugh. To make it worse, I opened up my Twitter feed and the first thing I see is: Eat to meet long-term goals, not short-term satisfaction.
Awwwww, maaaaan!!! Why? Because it's so true and really, the first moment that life presented me with a test? What did I do? Throw all the things I've been trying to teach my mind out the window about food and just dove straight into caramel sauce. I know I have to find a balance and to not get to the point where I'm scared of food or to foster an unhealthy relationship with food, but I just don't think I'm there yet, where I can relax a little and allow myself small indulgences. Because I already proved right there that I can't do small indulgence. I went whole hog and covered that plate like there was a famine on bread and I would never see it again EVER.
Ugh. I don't want to always be freaking out over food. I just wish I could trust myself more around things that I already know aren't good for me. Or at least to even have the will to allow myself to have something with a DECENT portion size.
Saturday, it took me a while, but I was right back on the Insanity train. Kind of used it as a small punishment and when I felt tired, I kept right at it or slowed down but kept moving and kept asking myself if that extra scoop of bread pudding that I put on my plate was worth it. *LOL* Apparently, I can be a bit of an extremist....
Sunday was another Insanity-free day as it was Ultimate Frisbee day! I can't get over how much I LOVE Ultimate Frisbee now. I LOVE that I can literally run in circles around some people where before I couldn't even make it down the field at a slow, painful jog. I love it that there was a girl who reminded me of the old me on the field who actually said she didn't even care if we scored so long as this would all stop. That was me. Really. That WAS me. I had to tell her to keep going. I told her that I said the exact same thing a year ago but here it is, a year later. I had to stop myself from gushing on and on because I didn't want to be that commercial sounding person. After the game (we WON! Oh another factor in how much I love Ultimate Frisbee - we actually WIN games now! LOL) I told my husband that I wanted to get in an Insanity workout even though it was my off day to make up for the Friday that I nmissed. It ended up that one of the other teams getting ready to play had no subs at all, so myself and another teammate ended up playing ANOTHER game. I was PUMPED! Not only was I feeling good after our game, I was feeling good playing another game - and we helped them pull a win, too!
Honestly, not to sound all after-school special or cliché, but the old Catherine couldn't make it 1 minute running around in one game. But this Catherine...this Catherine is fun to watch. She runs and she laughs and she jokes around with people. She's fun. She's perky and she's energetic. She also traded in her super long sweatpants that had to tie up because her old pants used to fall down because her stomach would push it down as she ran and her size XXL t-shirt for Adidas SHORTS and a size L t-shirt. I don't even know this Catherine, though I'm liking what I'm getting to know about her.
I forgot about her this morning though when I could barely get my body out of bed *LOL* Whatever Catherine is, she's also getting old *LOL* I felt all groan-y and creak-y this morning! Like I could have used some drops of oil in all of my joints just to get moving. Today, my husband and I did Plyo and even though it felt like I had nothing in me (almost literally, work stuff hit the fan and I ended up only eating about 500 calories throughout the day) we still hit it and got it in. And even though this is still hard....there was some moments where I felt stronger. The squat jumps/twists...I noticed I could get my butt down lower and get more power into my jumps...my power jumps were recognizable as power jumps as opposed to flailing arms coupled with a weak jumping jack lookalike. I'm getting there. Every workout is still a challenge, but I'm breaking it down. Focusing and trying to get better than the last. I've still got ZERO game with plank pushups, but I stayed on my knees and I kept at it. I can't WAIT to be doing those plank balance push ups. It's going to look a-maaay-zing. And then I can sit and reminisce about the time where I thought it would be impossible to ever be able to do them.
I might just be little ol' me, but I'm making history every day in my own little world "and I'm smilin' cuz I LOVE it."