Monday, October 8, 2012

Too Long?

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends!  Hope you're enjoying your long weekend!

*looks around* Want to know a secret? *whispers* This long weekend is too long :S

I went to the gym this morning, I made dinner, we've eaten it, and I've already had a snack. Being the long weekend, everything is closed and I'm kind of bored.  The only thing left to do is clean and clearly, no one can ever be THAT bored, can they?

This is my first long weekend after trying to get to know a new me and it was kind of tough.  I say kind of because I didn't really resist the Thanksgiving eating part too much.  I'm not going to use this time to get too down on myself about it though because unlike the old me, I was pretty conscious of what I was eating and exercised a lot more portion control than I'm used to (old me: what portion control?), so I ate the delicious foods I wanted and with the extended workout that I did on Saturday, I kind of feel that I earned it a little. 

But being so busy all the time, I'm just not used to all this extra time I had.  Extra time means I have more opportunities to sit and think.  Sitting and thinking usually means having time to think I'm bored (or realizing that my life long dream is knit or build a tree house..or that I can't live another day without swimming goggles).  Thinking I'm bored usually leads to thinking that I'm hungry.  Thinking I'm hungry usually means NOM NOM NOM.

Technically, I don't know what I'm whining about, I still actually have 800 something calories to eat today so that MFP doesn't scold me for not eating enough.  The problem is that everything I want to eat is more than the calories I have left.  I'm one of those addicts that can't just do portion control most of the time.  If I'm going to eat something bad, I can't just be like, 'well, okay, you've had a taste of it, now back away."  Instead my mind says, "ah well, you've done it now, might as well just go all out! And get that bag of chips too, while you're already at it!"  So instead of telling myself I can have a little...I'm just not even going to let me get there.

So basically, now I'm just living in fear.  Apparently, my other problem is that I can't just be moderate.  I'm usually one extreme or another and we all know that you can't go all hard all the time.  Clearly not me anyway since the last time I buckled down and tried to lose weight, I was only able to keep up with it for a short while before I ran away screaming into the arms of carbs.  I'm really TRYING to not make this a big deal or think of it as a diet.  Diets don't work and I know what I really need is a lifestyle change.  I want to be able to go anywhere and trust myself to be able to make some healthy food choices, but every time I have the opportunity to succeed at this, I have definitely failed and gone for the most delicious (aka the worst) menu option available.

In any case, sitting here thinking about things is making me feel like I'm going in circles and that I'm hungry again *LOL* I'm considering going for a run *shudders* and that's almost as bad as voluntarily cleaning...

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