Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Insanity Day 16: I Officially Hate Squats

...I mean, I was a little wary of them before, but I now know for a fact - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that I hate all their sneaky hidden forms.  Power squats, frog jumps, ski jumps, basketball're not fooling me, Shaun T! Those bitches be squats!

I think that's probably one of the biggest reasons why I'm so surprised and suspicious when I get on the scale every week (bwahaha, who am I kidding, I live on that scale!) and see the numbers for weigh-in.  It's because every time I step on, I already feel like I weigh 200 lbs in my legs alone since every day for the last 16 days, they've felt like dead weights.  I wake up and my body creaks and squeaks like I just did Day 1.

Which is a good thing, right?  If I didn't feel anything after my workouts, it would mean that my body's not doing anything it's not used to?

For the last couple of days I was a little bit worried because I was feeling some weird twinges and aches in my lower back that was extending out to the back of my left leg. 

Before I really started Insanity or changing up my lifestyle, let me just say that I didn't really know my body very well.  I didn't really know why things felt like they felt, I didn't really know (or care?) how certain things impact it - heck, I didn't even know that I was practically flat-footed until I tried to workout and my arches were NOT havin' it!  I also never really understood the difference between my being hungry or bored and how certain foods affect me.  I still don't know a lot, but I can say that I'm definitely learning.  But what led me here was that I was hurting when I sat and it was making me nervous.

Every time I was in a sitting position, I'd feel these weird tingles.  It wasn't sharp stabs of pain or anything, but tingly enough that it made me think that I really shouldn't be noticing it.  For a while, I thought I had pinched a nerve or something, but I think, after more careful consideration and really trying to focus on what exactly hurt and where - not just thinking, 'ow something hurts in that general vicinity' that I think it was just regular 'ol new workout muscle pains - in an area that I guess I've never really worked before.

What I assumed was pain in my lower back extending to the backs of my legs was really just around...I don't even know how to describe it.  I think it was in my hips and groin area would you say?  From Insanity's warmups and cooldowns, the hip flexor stretch.  Day 1 or Day 2, I couldn't even get down to put both palms on the floor and now, while I can't stay down there very long or do it exactly like how the sexy peeps on TV do it, I am getting down there and I am streeeetching.  It wasn't every day that I would get down into a hip flexor stretch, I mean, go down far enough and it's practically like you're down the splits if you couple it with the deep lunge.  So that mystery is solved and it's nothing new. 
So that was Day 16.  Still taking breaks and still using water breaks as my lifeline to survival, but still noticing differences and improvements, if you will.

I was able to get through the first cycle of the warmup in FULL.  Including the jumping jacks which I can't do very much because it really hurts my legs in ways I don't enjoy feeling.  But was able to get through the first set of warmups and into the faster jog, whereas before, I couldn't get past the first set of jumping jacks.  So YAY for that!  Everything else...well...that's why they say water is life-giving.  If I didn't stop in between some of the sets or exercises to get some water, I'd be passed out.  LOL

The only thing after was that I was so pumped after my workout and I had to go straight into baking cupcakes (yeah, it's weird, pushing yourself to the point of sweat and teardrops all over the floor and then getting up to bake cupcakes) for Halloween that I forgot to eat dinner.  I had to force myself to eat a little bit of my lunch for the next day so at least I had something in me, but I was a little bit worried that it was already 11:00.  But basically, no surprise, MFP told me off again for not eating enough. 

My goal for today - do NOT eat any of the cupcakes I'm bringing in to work!

Have a good and safe Halloween everyone!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Insanity Day 15: Fit Test #2

So am I supposed to feel better than I did the first time doing this!?  Because if so, epic fail!  My HRM noted that my heart rate jumped to 174 on some of those moves!  I think I sweat more this time around than the last *LOL*

I'm not sure if I'd call my numbers improvement, or just the fact that I was able to find just that little bit more in me to make sure I could at least get one number higher than the last number.  I'd call it that instead of improvement!

Well, without further ado, let's get to some numbers, shall we!?  The first set of numbers before the slash was my results the first time around and as it's not check-in day and because there's no one around right now (with opposable thumbs, sorry Chewy) there'll be no measurements today.

Switch kicks: 60 / 50
Power jacks: 45 / 53
Power knees: 80 / 90
Power jumps: 25 / 30
Globe jumps: 7 / 9
Suicide jumps: 10 / 11
Pushup jacks: 14 / 20
Low plank obliques: 24 / 40

My numbers look so weird considering they seem so all over the place.  With the switch kicks, I was a little disappointed at first when I looked down at my numbers and it was lower, but I'll have to say that I think this go around, even though I did less, I can say for certainty that I did them BETTER.  My kicks were stronger and higher as opposed to just getting my legs out there.

Everything else had a marked difference - though not so much with the suicide jumps.  But seriously, who can do anything after globe jumps?!  I vote globe jumps should be taken out of the fit test. I HATE globe jumps!

But there it is.  Can't change anything and I just have to move forward.  Hopefully the next fit test has better numbers than this weeks!  As long as I see any kind of improvement, I'm happy! Especially considering that I couldn't even do push ups to begin with at all! w00t!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Insanity Day 12, 13 & 14: Week 2 = DONE!

I had a TON of stuff written and I don't know how it happened but I went to press the backspace and instead of erasing a spelling mistake, the entire browser went back and I lost everything I wrote.

*pouts* Just know that there was a LOT of clever, witty, insanely funny stuff that used to be here. I will try to re-post what I actually had when I'm done being mad at my computer.

Alright...I had to get over it because I know I'll want to read back on my first cycle of Insanity. 

Double workout days are HARD.  Usually near the end, I get myself through the rest of the workout by telling myself I'm almost done and I can put another check mark onto my calendar, but double workout days means that once you're done Pure's BAM, right back into it again.  UUUUUUUGH.

During Pure Cardio, I was actually excited to get started on Cardio Abs because I thought being able to lie down and pretend to do crunches has GOT to be better than dying on my feet. 

Shaun T must have had a focus group made up of every single voice that's inside my head. 

Because as I collapse onto my yoga mat and hit play, Shaun T's like:
"BWAHAHAHAHAA, no crunches! Jog it out!"

*whimpers* What. does. he. mean NO CRUNCHES.  I want to lie down, dammit!

Instead of lying down, you know what it is? Warm up. 

Whaaaaat?! I just finished Pure. Let me just say: Puuuuuuuuuure CARDIO.  I'm plenty warmed up.  I'm super warm.  I'm the Carribean of warm.  Come ON, Shaun T! Oh, we're jumping now? JUMPING?!!!!  Fine, I'll jump, but this better be quick and I won't even like it.  Oh.  MORE jumping?  Shaun T hates me.  He can see me through my TV screen and he hates me. 

Is it time to lie down now? Oh yes, thank you baby, Jesus, he's getting down on the yoga mat.

We're NOT lying down?  What the heck is a C-shape?  I don't want to make a C-shape, I want to make a tumbled over I-shape.  A horizontal capital 'i'.  This C-shape is hard.  I'm looking at myself in the reflection of my coffee table and that is NOT a C.  It looks like.....a G.  G for gut because my gut is making the g part of my c.  Ugh.  I guess my gut is the reason why I'm doing this - I must have burned a lot of calories complaining out loud to no one, so I buckle down and get my C on.

Buuuuurn.  Gollum from Lord of the Rings: it buuuuuuurns ussssssssssssssss....

Watching people do this looks easy.  Doing it is NOT.  When I first saw them doing hip tilts, I was like, wtf is that? ANYONE can do that.  I can do that in my SLEEP!

No I can't.  I can barely even do it awake and I was already flirting on the edge of consciousness. 

I have to remind myself it's my first time doing Cardio Abs, but I'm definitely glad it's part of the regimen now.  I clearly have ZERO ab strength at all.  Now that I can almost do pushups, I have to be able to do this C shape minus the G. 
I was kind of surprised after the workout that I didn't already have a six-pack.  My abs burned enough that it felt like I must have one by now. *LOL*

But there it is.  Week 2 is DONE.  Next up is another fit test.  I can't really guarantee that I'll be at ALL any better than the first time.  The first time, I didn't really know what I was getting into so I went into it blindly.  Now that I know...LOL...oh man.

Onward and forward!

Friday, October 26, 2012

Insanity Day 11: Buuuuuuuurn!

My muscles are still shaking! *LOL*

I've decided I don't like doing slow squats or lunges....or basically everything we did in cardio recovery today! Bwahahaha! Everything is on FI-YAH!

And I will be reminded that I am recovering from cardio everytime I try to sit down in my desk chair or go to the bathroom. 
Is it bad that I sweat as much in cardio recovery as I do when I'm doing the regular workouts?

I had a hard time getting going this morning.  Since last night I was debating when I would get this workout in.  I have this afternoon off to work on the cake order that I have to deliver this evening and I'm nowhere near my goal finishing time.  It didn't help that the bucket of fondant I was counting on using last night was EMPTY.  And I put it back on the shelf.  Who doooooes that?!  Apparently, I do.  And I don't even like it when people put empty milk cartons (milk bags, for this Canadian!) back in the fridge.  And I go and do THAT?!  So because of that, I'm kind of behind.  I was planning on having a clean, fondanted blank canvas to come home to today so I can just work on decorating, but now it's kneading, kneading, kneading and rolling out fondant and then having at LEAST two meltdowns when the fondant won't go on the cake right.  *sigh*  So what was I saying? LOL...

Right, so because I knew I had to get down to business right away, I was telling myself I had to do my cardio recovery this morning.  But then this other girl in my head was like, 'Naaah...just do it in the afternoon.  You're gonna have LOOOOTS of time!'  I'm telling you, that girl is just....SHHH!  This morning, she was wide awake long before the rest of me was.  As soong as my alarm came off, she was trying to convince me to go back to sleep.  Thank goodness I had to get up to use the washroom or I might have seriously listened to her.  I think I hate her.

I'm not sure if I was feeling lazy or if my body and core really are getting stronger than 7 days ago when I did this DVD the first time.  I was sweating buckets the first time, and I still was this time, but it felt different.  Still couldn't do all the lunge squats and holds, but I was able to do all the pulses and I kicked butt at that plank with the knees off the ground and pulses.  My arms were shaking so bad after the last set of those and while I finished the oblique planks...I'm not entirely sure they looked exactly like they were supposed to :S

Nevertheless, cardio recovery is DONE! Another day, another day closer to day 60!  I can't wait to meet Day 60 Catherine!f

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Insanity Day 10: *BARF*

Ugh.  I'm shaking, so it's kind of hard to type at the moment.

I don't remember 6:00 am workouts feeling so hard. :S

Probably because MFP told me off again last night.  For the last little while, I've been having trouble hitting 1200 calories throughout the day - especially lately that it's gotten so busy at work that I don't remember to eat.  Or I'll start eating and then keep working and then forget all about it until the end of the day.

GAH. Same ol', same ol' from me.  Funny how before I couldn't get myself to STOP eating.  No matter what, if I'm bored, if I'm on the go, I was always looking for something to eat, and now I have to force myself to stop and eat.

Enough about my whining.  Whatever I'm feeling it's because I'm not listening to my body and that's on me.
You'd think Plyo would start to feel easier by now, but those Level 1 Drills are killing me.  And those basketball ones....and those in and outs.  Okay, so that's basically the entire work out that's killing me *LOL*

Still seeing improvements though, no matter how hard it feels.  Getting through the warmup longer without having to take a water break or those butt kicks down now where before my calves were NOT  having it.  Still having trouble with the high knees where they really looking more like jogging, but I'm hoping I'll get there soon.  Trying to keep the core in mind at all times, but it's a good thing we get constant reminders because everytime he says "remember your core", I realize I've already forgotten about it.

I think my mind is working over time on me.  The longer and more I sit here trying to figure out how I feel, the sicker and more light-headed I feel, so I'm going to keep moving around, grab some breakfast and get in the shower! 
I've got a cake to fondant and decorate tonight after choir practice!

Have a great day!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Insanity Day 9: A little snack'll do ya!

So what a difference an afternoon snack makes!

After yesterdays craptastical Insanity workout and taking the time to reflect about it and examine where I might have gone wrong, I was determined to make sure I ate my lunch at a decent hour and got my snack in.

So of course you know what happened.

Bananas hit the fan and this afternoon was insane in a non-Insanity kind of way.  I didn't even have time to grab a washroom break much less think about getting my lunch ready to eat.  Ugh.  By 4:00 pm, when it still wasn't dying down, I said eff it, I'm going to get my lunch.  I scarfed it down in between working so of course, but the time I was done lunch it was pretty much time to go home. 

No snack before Insanity again? Aw heeeell to the no!  Got dressed to work out and in between that I had a small bowl of cereal with milk and a Danactive.  I was planning on having a banana, but they were still green.  *LOL* 
But I could definitely feel the difference.  I still wasn't feeling as pumped and perky as I felt last week, but I definitely wasn't as sluggish and blah as I felt yesterday.  There was no meltdown moment in between power jacks and no moment where I was about to burst into tears. 

However, there were grunting moments and screeching, digging deeper to pull through moments.  It also helped that my husband was getting all Insane with me too!  A little bit of a competitive edge keeps things going, I'd say!  I'm so excited that he's decided to try this along with me and it's fun to be able to high five each other after a particularly grueling set.  Also, knowing that he's behind me working out made me more reluctant to want to quit or take a break during a set.

Another thing that I noticed I'm able to concentrate more on since I'm no longer too busy trying not to die is really listening when the TV and Shaun T prompts us to tighten up our core.  During the exhales, I'm able to really contract and pay attention to my core and my stomach so that I definitely feel like I'm getting a much more intense kind of work out.  I'm not just jumping and flailing around doing the moves and everything is flapping and jiggling all around.  I'm not doing it the WHOLE time, but I'm really starting to feel the difference between Day 1 me and Day 9 me.

This feeling almost makes up for the fact that I'm not currently at the gym doing my kickboxing class today.  I was a little bit sad that because of the time constraints I have this week - what with the cake I have to make for this Friday and getting my Insanity days in plus frisbee plus all my other was just that one thing had to go and unfortunately, kickboxing was the one that had to go.  I was able to make it to the Saturday class which is more cardio intensive than tonight's class, plus the Insanity trade-off...I'd say it was worth it.  I'll be back next week!

I mentioned it in my status updated today, but seriously: doing push-up jacks makes me feel legit hardcore!  Like, it's intense! *LOL* 

Even though it's one of the hardest things for me to do, it's probably my favourite move so far in the first month of workouts.  Besides the fact that it looks totally cool and army-like and intense, it makes me feel REALLY, REALLY proud to notice that every time I do it, I can get lower into my push up. 

ME!  From the girl who face-planted in that fitness assessment session in that woman's office from trying to do ONE push up!  Now I can get down there and jack it like Shaun T's crew! Say whaaaat?!

I can't WAIT to meet Day 60 me!

Monday, October 22, 2012

Insanity Day 8: Barely There Cardio and STILL No Resistance

...Unless you count the fact that I was resistant to work out.

Today’s workout completely sucked.

I was trying to power and work through it like Shaun T was shouting at me, but I just couldn’t find it in me.  I had little bursts here and there after the workout where I could dig a little deeper and find a bit of energy to jump just that little bit higher or sprint just that little bit faster, but it had a short fuse and just burnt out as quickly as I found it.

Sitting down to log my exercise and before MFP went down for maintenance, I saw what my problem was:
I went into the workout at 6:00 pm having only consumed 755 calories for the entire day so far. 
*face palm*

No wonder I couldn’t find it in me.  I had practically NOTHING in me.

And this isn’t me making excuses and trying to explain away being lazy.  I swear, I dug around with everything I had trying to keep going.  I took breaks in between each exercise, but instead of quitting, I came back and tried to give a little bit more with what little I had.  

But I’m glad to have been keeping track of each workout and day.  It’s giving me a chance to really get to know my body and what happens to it when I do this and that.  Clearly, I’m a car dinging when I’m low on fuel and the gas light is on.
Work was busy and stressful today and I was keeping on top of things until after lunch and everything just spiraled down until I realized it was 4:30 and I had forgotten to eat any kind of snack or drink any water.  I got home and by the time I was dressed and ready to work out, it was already 6 and I’ve got a busy evening ahead of me.  I didn’t have time to eat dinner and then try to wait until it settled before I worked out because I’ve got a two-tier cake order for to be done for this Friday and I haven’t a clue what I’ll be doing for it, nor have I even started baking any of the layers.

This is probably excusing my poor planning.  I knew I had to get started on this cake, but I got so caught up in week one of Insanity and I was so excited that I was excited about it that I kind of got tunnel vision and only wanted to focus on that, because knowing my track record, I didn’t really know how long it was going to last for.  Now I’m seeing that failing to prepare and plan is perhaps what leads me to quitting all the time.  I failed to prepare my body for the workout that I knew I was going to do and in turn, it was an epic fail of a performance.  Without knowing where it was coming from, feeling this way would have normally led to me feeling like nothing I was doing was really helping and I would quit.  So I’m glad that I know the reasons or explanations behind things so instead of just quitting, I can try to fix the problem.  And this time, the solution is easy.  


My calories burned are a lower estimate of what I really think I actually burned.  I forgot to turn my HRM on and only realized it near the very end of the warm up, so I just underestimated about 50 calories which is still less than what I put out last week.  

Looking at the data on my watch, I can totally see that my body was working harder at a much lower success rate.  Every move that I was doing was pretty half-hearted – even when I felt like I was really trying hard to give ‘er – but judging by my HRM, even with the half-hearted moves, it was costing my body a lot more effort to produce it.  My highest BPM hit 172 and since last week when I was monitoring how I was doing, I had only seen my heart rate hit 168.  The lowest my BPM went was 150 and that includes the warm-ups and stretches and usually, based on data from last week, I can usually recover and get my heart rate down to the 130s before starting back up again.  

So definitely a learning experience and a lesson learned.  I think I’m going to have to start setting alarms on my BlackBerry to remind me to stop and grab my snacks so that I don’t run my body down like that again.  During the workouts, I had a moment where I was feeling really down and thinking that instead of seeing some improvements on my workouts, it felt like I had gone backwards.  

But, it is what it is and what’s done is done.  I’ve taken something away from this and seeing as how I don’t ever want to feel like that again during an Insanity workout, I just have to take the proper measures to prepare.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a cake to bake! (Oh and some dinner to eat!)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Insanity Day 6 & 7: Plyo + Rest

I've taken the rest day to mean that I can go ahead and do something else instead.  Which, unfortunately (fortunately?) didn't really feel any different.

I'm wondering if my kickboxing instructor at the gym didn't take a page out of Shaun T's notebook.  Our circuit consisted of burpees, push-ups and horizontal mountain climbing which felt all-too familiar to me!

I'm noticing a pretty good difference in today's kickboxing class from the very first time I timidly wandered into that gym thinking I was just going to be punching and jabbing at a bag a few times - but I guess I'm getting ahead of myself.

Day 6 was Plyo which was Day 2's exercise again.  Honestly, for some reason it always feels like I did worse.  I felt like I took too many breaks when I should be able to do just that little bit more than the last time I did the workout.  I burned 4 less calories this go around than I did the first time.  It's not a significant difference and I can't really tell what that means...if I gave her more the first time than this time, or if I have better control and endurance...

Besides the breaks that I took, I felt like I was doing things with better control and form than I did the first time.  The first time was just about getting through the workout - no matter what, and this time, it was different because I knew I could make it through since I did it already.  So in my head, I was thinking more along the lines of, if I'm going to do it again, it better look better than it did before. 

I'm still having a hard time with the jumping jacks and feeling some twinging in my legs but it seems that my arches have either conformed or my shoes are giving way to the workouts, so I'm glad that I don't have the added discomfort of my arches while going through the motions.  Compared to the first Plyo workout, I wasn't able to do the butt kicks as it was hurting too much and I just couldn't get my feet to kick up from the ground, and this time, I was able to do it - though not for the entire duration.  My knees for high knees aren't as high as they should be and when I lose focus, it ends up looking more like jogging, but once I realize what I'm doing, I'm able to get focused to bring my knees up a bit higher again - if only for a few seconds more.

They're not big differences - I had a hard time with the push-up jacks and I'm not sure if it's because my arms are tired or if perhaps I'm sinking lower into the push up than I had before, but they are all differences nonetheless.  The thing with the differences is that I hope that they are also improvements.  It's too soon to tell but I made it through my first WEEK of INSANITY!

I really feel like it's definitely helping in the other areas of my fitness goals as well.  Kickboxing feels easier - I'm no longer dying just through the warm ups though I still dislike having to run backwards.  I've noticed I'm using breathing techniques better and sticking with things a little bit longer by monitoring and adjusting how I'm breathing and I think this in turn as helped a lot with my swimming.  I'm still flailing at times, especially near the end of a lap as I'm nearing the wall, but nobody since the first time has been concerned that I'm drowning while in my head, I'm imagining I look like an Olympic athlete. 

Like I said...differences.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Insanity Day 5: Pure Cardio

Before I get started, I would just like to say that Day 4: Cardio Recovery was NOT recovery! *LOL*  My body was STILL recovering from it 10 hours later!  I was driving home a couple hours away from home and I was like...ow, my butt kind of hurts.  Then a little bit later...oh wow, OW, it's really hurting! And the backs of my legs too! Squats are EVILLLL! Pulsing squats are even worse!  But it's a good hurt riiiiight!?

As for it possible to feel pumped AND completely exhausted at the same time!?  I don't know why, but every time I finish a workout, I'm always a tiny bit mad at myself because I feel like I could have given just that little bit more - when really, there were black spots dancing in front of my eyes as I was trying to move.  *LOL*

I think I may have overdid it yesterday by doing the Insanity in the morning and frisbee in the evening.  I got home and I could barely open my eyes or move my body.  This morning, my alarm went off at 5:55 am to get me up for Thursday Swim Day and I cracked one eye open and thought, no way, and went back to sleep.  First time I've missed Thursday Swim Day in a few weeks!  Although now I'm wondering if it would have done me some good to move my stiff muscles around in a nice, gentle swim.  Ah, regret.  That's why it's always better to just do something, isn't it? Enh, hindsight, 20/20, blah blah blah.

I don't know how to rate today's work out though.  I feel like I didn't give as good as I could have/should have.  Butt kicks on the spot for some reason give me really bad shin splints and I had to stop a couple of times and switch over to just really quick marching to shake out my legs. 

Also, NOTE TO SELF: Get some more sports bras.  It's distracting having to constantly pull stuff down *LOL* Less jumping please, Shaun T!

In any case, I also didn't do a lot of the burpess.  Everytime I bend over to crouch and jump out into plank, my stomach is splitting my knees apart so that when I try to jump back, my right knee is getting twisted and the first time I tried and thought to myself, "just jump right into it and do it, your body will follow" I really felt it.  I knew I had to keep moving though and not just stand there letting my heart rate go down, but I made this mistake of choosing to do running plank.  Bad news for me, next up was push up jacks. GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!  I'm really glad these work outs can be done at home, I really feel like I can get that "just ONE more" out by screaming and grunting.  Seriously, try it.  If you feel tired and think you can't even do just one more...SCREAM and grunt and scream some more and you'll find you have one more in ya!

I seriously feel proud whenever there's sweat pouring off of me and dripping to the floor.  Gross as it sounds, but it really makes me feel like I'm really putting everything I have into this and my fat cells are crying for mercy.  Or is that just me?

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Insanity Day 4: Cardio Recovery

So apparently this DVD is supposed to get us to recover from all the intense cardio we've been doing up until this point with the program.  So is it weird that I found this to be WAY harder?

I guess you can say my resistance and strength are pretty darn lown!  I couldn't hold the squat lunges for very long or the pulsing before it got to feel painful in the front leg.  So I had to keep getting out of the lunge to shake things out and try again. 

But like this whole week...this will be my first time on each of the DVDs.  I can't take back how I do on the first time but I can just log how I did and how I felt and hope that I'm stronger and better the next time I see this work out again.
Some of the other yoga poses, I guess because my stomach keeps getting in the way prevent me from doing it exactly how they do it on the DVD and when I try, it causes my legs or knees to jut out sideways (ie. when they go into a crouch to prepare to jump back into plank, I can't get my knees up to my chest, so my knees go out sideways) and to jump back, since my knees are out, they do this weird twisty thing to be able to get me to get my legs out behind me into plank.  First time I tried to do it, I really felt something in my knee, so I had to vary from the jump into plank position and instead, from the crouched position, I just moved one foot back and then the other into plank.  I'm hoping I'll be able to jump back next time!

I think I almost sweat as much as when I do the regular cardio intervals!

I remember last year, my friend Melissa and I did a lot of yoga and I looked and felt different from how I did today.  Although this wasn't exactly yoga, there were a lot of similar poses that I couldn't do - or couldn't do well - that I was able to do last year.  At some points during the exercises, I got into the mind spiral where I couldn't believe how far I'd let myself go and how much I didn't care.  I figured with yoga, I could just hop right back into it but the difference is so huge!  Having all this extra baggage on me is practically hindering me from even doing hamstring stretches and I had to shake myself out of the spiral and just promise myself that I won't let that happen again.

The past is past and whatever it is that I did or didn't do...that's over and done with.  I just have to keep moving and stay in this groove that I've found.

I know I'll sound like some kind of infomercial for some diet pill, but the difference is that there's no pill or secret trick or magical thing you can take or do in order to lose weight easily.  It's just me.  Especially since the last time I was trying to get healthier, and even know, I thought it was about having just this one THING that could jump start my road to fitness.  But it's not a thing.  It's an attitude.  And right now...I'm attributing it to the endorphins, but I'm feeling pretty darn good!
Though I laugh and joke about it, I take it very seriously when people comment to me that I seem much more easy-going and in a better mood all around.  Because it means that there was a noticeable difference from the me that I used to be almost a month ago.  And I know it's true. 

But now, I'm excited that I'm excited to want to work out or get to the gym or get to a class.  I feel really bad when I miss a workout or variate from it because I want to do this right.  It doesn't feel like all the other times before where I was trying to lose weight for the sake of losing weight.  I mean, that motivation is still there, who doesn't want to look better?  But it's more than that now.  It's seeing where I was a month ago and noticing that the place I was in wasn't good and it's working now and seeing that I'm taking control and doing something about it.  There's no self-help book I can read or medication that I can take to make me feel this good about myself.  It's not just feeling all smug that I'm forcing myself to pick the right foods to eat even if I don't like it.  It's recnognizing what the foods I choose to eat do to my body and trying to fix it and do something about it.

Anywho...I think I'm probably going around in circles and the high is wearing off, so I better hop in the shower and get ready for work! *LOL* Until tomorrow, Shaun T!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Insanity Break = Kickboxing Class

I wasn't originally going to post but I figured that I should how I felt today as a reminder for the future when I'm feeling too lazy or want to quit.

I don't know if it's because Shaun T. has tried to kill me three times already or if it's the few weeks that I've been regularly going to the gym and getting active that is finally starting to show, but I had a really class today.

It didn't really feel like it was going to be the greatest of days since this this morning was kind of craptastic.  But instead of going out of my mind with anger, I was able to think: Me being this mad....? I'm going to do AWESOME in my kickboxing class! Let me AT. THAT. BAG!"  Then I burnt my lunch and had to scrape off the rest of the egg salad that didn't burn just to have bit of something to eat, then work got busy that I missed my snack time.  Blaaaaah.

Finally it's time to head over to the gym and get my work out on!  Nope.  Get to the gym and realize I grabbed Bart's keys.  Which means that my key tag to get into the gym isn't there. BAH!  Hand over my driver's license so that I can be manually checked in and she tells me that I haven't paid my membership.  Say what?  Blah blah blah later on and it hits me in class.  The cheque book that I tossed in my bag when I signed up for the gym....old account that I closed when I opened my new one.  #Facepalm.  Ugh.  Can this day PLEASE stop holding me back?  I'm trying to get my happy on.
But you know what my punching bag said to me?  Nothing, cuz it's a punching bag, are you serious?  But seriously.  It said nothing.  I jabbed it, I hooked it, I kicked it.  I told it ALL about the frustrations I was going through today without any words and it said nothing.  If it could talk, I imagine it would say: "Is that all you got?  It's okay, give it to me.  I can take it.  I'm here for you.  Give it up.  I won't let you down.  I'll bounce back and I'll be back for you. I won't leave.  I'm here 'til you push me away."

Just what I needed.

And you want to know what else I got out of it?  I didn't feel like I was dying.  I wasn't looking for refuge in my water bottle halfway through the warm up.  I was doing it.  I was running around that gymnasium and I was finding digging up a little more.  He said stop and do jumping jacks.  I stopped and did jumping jacks.  He said get down and do some push ups, I got down and did some push ups (creative liberty on how you define some, but still!).  He said run backwards, I ran backwards and when he said run back to your bag, I ran.  I didn't trudge.  I didn't limp. 

For a day that felt like everything was going wrong...this work out was feeling right.  I'd been having trouble with my shoes and painful arches.  I didn't feel them today.   Little update on that.  Turns out it might have been my socks.  My shoes have some really good arch support already and I was wearing pretty thick athletic socks, so I think it just creating too much support that it was hitting my arches every time.  I switched it over to a much thinner sock and aaaaah.  Arch bliss.  I was able to move!  I'm hoping this will carry over into tomorrow for Insanity.  It's Day 4, y'all!

Watching Day 4: Cardio Recovery as I type so I can get my mind in the game and mentally prepare for tomorrow.  This is officially the LONGEST I've ever stuck with a DVD workout program and I'm still LOVING it. 

Feeling proud to see puddles of sweat on the floor in front of me.  Who woulda thunk it?

Monday, October 15, 2012

Insanity Day 3: Lack of Cardio Power and Near-Zero Resistance

Slipped in a puddle of my own sweat while doing "moving" push-ups with Shaun T.

But good news: My push-ups are really starting to resemble push-ups as opposed to me just holding a really awkward, butt-in-the-air plank with trembling arms.

It started off a little shaky, though.  I've been having a lot of problems with shoes and comfort while working out.  It took me almost three years to find a pair of shoes that I can comfortably run in without a lot of pain in my calves and shin splints and it's a combination of shoes with support + added insole.  Apparently, these shoes can NOT just cross over and be comfortable gym/workout shoes.  For the last few weeks that I've been going to the gym and MUCH more noticeably since I started Insanity, my arches are KILLING me.  After a few minutes of running in place or even jumping jacks, my arches are on fire - so much so that it's been really hard to power through it.  I can't even tell if it's worse when I stand and stretch because my arches press further into my shoes. 

Today I thought I'd try to change it up.  I have a pair of nice Pumas that don't give me any arch problems, so I thought I would give those a try.  I know they're not any kind fo cross-trainer or much of an athletic shoe, but I figured I could get them a shot.  NOPE.  Heaven on the arches, but my legs seized up enough that I almost buckled under.  Those came off pretty quickly and back on my other shoes went.  Instead of just going at it, I tried really hard to concentrate on landing and working so that my arches weren't hitting my shoes too much and it seemed to help, though it took it's toll on my speed and actually getting my heart rate up.  Once I was able to get through that, of COURSE my middle toe of my left foot started cramping.  I took a lot more breaks during times that I probably could have gotten through which makes me a little bit sad.

Day 3 had a lot of arm work in terms of tricep dips, vee push-ups and moving push-ups.  There may have been more, but I'm not entirely sure I didn't black out during part of the workout.  If you see in the news that someone wrote "The chamber of secrets has been opened, enemies of the heir beware," in chicken blood somewhere, it might have been me who did it.  I can't remember.  First I was doing globe jumps and then all of a sudden I was face planted in my own sweat while trying to desperately move and do push-ups at the same time.

Is it weird that I'm happy to say that tomorrow is Insanity rest day because I have kickboxing at the gym?

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Insanity Day 2: Plyo > Prime Rib

So yesterday was our annual couples retreat in Niagara-on-the-Lake (read: wine country) and it was a fantastic day as always.  Started with a trolley tour of three different wineries, and many, many tastings later, an afternoon at the spa where we swam in the saltwater pool, hung out in the sauna, relaxed in the outdoor hotsprings in the rain and then finished off with massages.  One of the other things I love about the couples retreats...FOOD. Which was why it also made me nervous.

For the last couple of weeks, I'd been doing really well on my eating habits and I was determined to keep it up, despite the fact that I'd be left to my own devices.  The day didn't start off that great as I slept in and missed grabbing breakfast at home so it meant that I had to get it on the road. *wince* Faced with greasy egg sandwiches, I was really happy that we found an A&W open for breakfast!  I got to have eggs over easy with tomato slices and I caved and took one HALF of Bart's toast.

During the tour, we were constantly offered crackers and breadsticks and since I don't drink wine anyway (besides sips here and there), I was able to turn down the carbs.  I was doing really well!

It went downhill at lunch time.  Probably because I was really HUNGRY (no snacks would do that!), my will power was taking a break and I pretty much lost my mind.  Prime rib sandwich with cheese and carmelized onions which wouldn't have been so bad if I had told myself that fine, I can give myself that if I get a salad for my side.  Did I listen? No. I can't even talk about it anymore because I think I'm making myself hungry!  Basically once I went there, it was too late and I went full force ahead.  Dinner was worse!

So today, when I was grunting and screeching, trying to find something in me so I could "dig deeper", Shaun T. transported into my head and asked if the primerib was worth it? And then he yelled at me to DIG DEEEEEEEEEEPERRRRRRRR!!!




I don't even have any words.

It kicked my butt and even when I look back on it, I can't say I really gave 'er all that much.  I rested a lot and took more water breaks than I should.  Not giving any excuses, but there wasn't anything in my to dig up that I could have found more.  I can barely do some of the moves in a set because of my stomach and I'm trying really hard to make sure I do everything PROPERLY and not just half-assed to say that I did it, because I don't think that's the point.  Drill 1 and the ski abs and just the plank in and outs had me on the floor wishing for a black out to escape more than anything else. 

Screaming only helps a little bit. 

They meant it when they said we'd be working out in pools of our own sweat.  Most of mine went into my wristband but there's the stragglers...or possibly tears.  Chances are a mixture of both!

But I'm definitely starting to take Shaun T. seriously when he suggested getting some good cross-trainers.  I've been using my regular running shoes with the arch supports and my arches were on FIRE!  I could barely do some of the moves because all I could feel burning were my arches.  I couldn't do much of the standing stretches because all the pressure standing was pushing my shoes harder against my arches.  I'll definitely have to start looking into that. 
But 40 minutes.  I finished it.  350 calories later and my HRM hitting 174 bpm on more than one occasion and it's a start. 

Tomorrow is Day 3 and no more cheat days for me for a long while!

Friday, October 12, 2012

Insanity Day 1: Fit Test

It's all fun and shopping until you have to do the fit test, y'all!

I know I've mentioned more than once that I get into these fitness grooves where I think that just getting *insert product here* is going to take my journey to health and fitness up to the next level so I have to have it.

What started this all was that I really needed to join this new local gym that opened because I knew for SURE that it would get me where I needed to be (but really because it was so nice, the bathrooms/change rooms alone look like a spa *LOL*).  Everyone I knew was like, "Oh Catherine, don't! Save your money, you know you just get it in your head, but really all you'll end up doing is donating to that gym and not getting any tax receipts to show for it!" And I nodded and said "You're RIGHT!" (and then turned around the next day and joined).

And then shortly after that, I got it into my head that I really wanted to try Insanity.  Everyone again was like, "Oh Catherine, don't!  Save your money, you know you just get it in your head, but really all you'll end up doing is having another fitness DVD set to add to your collection!" And I nodded and said "You're RIGHT!" (and then turned around and bought it the next day).

Well, I think now I'm being punished.  I have NO. IDEA. how I'm going to make it through Insanity.  I just finished the fitness test (it's not even the actual workout yet, it's a fitness. TEST!) and it's taking everything I have not to pass out and keel over off of this stool.  I think I've drank as much of my own sweat as I have water out of my water bottle.  I face planted trying to do a push-up jack, people!

But it is what it is right.  You can't measure how far you've come if you're not willing to look around at where you are right now in the moment (it just happens that in this moment, I think I'm having hallucinations and I'm going cross-eyed trying to ignore the black spots dancing in front of my eyes).

The thing don't get up on me just yet!  I know "the thing is..." sounds like a lead in to an excuse, but honest, I really do have a thing! A valid thing!  It's just, I know it said 60 days to a new you, etc., etc., and I mean to do the 60 days...but my plan isn't to do it 60 days straight.

I've gotten into a really good place with my gym routine and workout schedule, that I don't want to throw it all away just to focus on this.  Because this is only for 60 days (BWAHAHAHA, I laugh because I say "only 60 days" like I'm not already dying and it's day ONE), but once those 60 days are over, I don't want to feel like I have to start over and find a routine.  I heard it said a few times that it takes about two weeks to build a habit - good or bad - and I've been going to the gym, taking classes and swimming for two weeks now and I'm liking where I'm at.  Plus, I also have Ultimate Frisbee on Wednesdays too and I don't really think it's feasible to do THAT and THIS in one day.  That's just an opening for me to freak out and quit.  It's not an excuse.  I promise.

I know that I will probably see better results if I follow the plan as it's laid out, but I'm going to try it this way and see how it goes.  Gym and Frisbee off days are Insanity days.  Tuesdays and Saturdays I have kickboxing and yoga at the gym, so no Insanity there, but that still leaves Monday, Wednesyday, Thursday and Friday with Sunday as my off day.  I'm gonna go with "slow and steady wins the race".  I'm going to try to incorporate these as part of my regular life as opposed to having it take over my life for a short time, because I know that eventually, life will fight back and demand priority again and I know that working out is always the first to get sacrificed when I get stressed out about everything else (which kind of sucks considering that working out is a good way to battle stress, but my mind works in mysteriously dumb ways sometimes!).

So, a loooooong winded approach, here are my results from the fit test!  I almost forgot I was writing about that! *LOL*

Starting StatsWeight: 199.2 lbs
Waist: 43 in
Hips: 43 in
Bust: 46 in
Left Thigh: 25 in
Neck: 15 in
Shoulder: 22.5 in
Left Bicep: 13 in

Insanity Fit Test
Switch kicks: 60
Power jacks: 45
Power knees: 80
Power jumps: 25
Globe jumps: 7
Suicide jacks: 10
Push-up jacks: 14
Low plank oblique: 24

I have nothing else to compare it to, so I can't really say what kind of numbers they are, but compared to Shaun's workout buddies on the screen, they're not that great.  Which is cool.  I'd also like to point out that the numbers, while some may seem high, I'm well aware that they were done kind of sloppy and not eeeeexactly how he showed me to do.  Not because I was trying to cut corners, but because it was the best that I could do. 

Switch kicks weren't as high as they were supposed to be, the jumps were definitely nowhere near as high and the push ups weren't entirely the push ups he said, which was to have your chest 3-5 inches off the floor.  I tried that and just pretty much slammed my face into the floor because my arms couldn't hold the rest of me up and the floor was right there to stop my face.  But I did what I could and I will keep my form in mind 14 days from now when I take this fitness test again.  My goal won't really be to beat those numbers up there, but to KNOW that I did them better and STRONGER than before.

Alrighty, that's it from me for now!  Gotta hit the shower - apparently I still have to work and earn money while on my quest for skinny-ness! Go figure!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

*insert witty title here*

I'm currently giving myself the silent treatment at the moment.  If I wasn't almost 30 years old and an adult, I would have my hands pressed up against my years, shouting "la la la la la" to drown out the voices.

CONFESSION: It's not actually a nod to maturity that I'm not already doing that, it's actually because my arms hurt too much to lift them above my shoulders *LOL* But the mature thing sounded way better.

Every day I try to make it a point to go onto the Sucess Stories area in the forum to have a look at everyone's awesome stories - and let's face it - the transformation pictures.  There are some AWESOME transformations out there, let me tell you.  And it totally gets me every time!  Every time I see someone's success, I want to be just like them!  I want to have something to put beside my "before" shots and seeing as it's only been two weeks, I want to actually have progress pictures too.  I just want to get on with this weight loss thing!

So here I am all inspired, ready and rarin' to go and then I hear her.  She's quiet at first and she kind of just mutters it under her breath, but knowing her as well as I do, I know she mutters it just loud enough for me to hear, and then, in the middle of my inspirational moment that I'm sure would totally be accompanied with an epic soundtrack if I were in a movie (I can't think of it, but it's the one with like, a solo trumpet and then BAM! Drum drum drum drum...yeah, you can't hear it? Weird, I can...) Anyway, where was I?

Oh right, that girl.  So there I am in the middle of my inspirational movie moment and all I hear is "Well, if you had stuck with it when you started this last year, you'd already be where these people are now, wouldn't you?" *FACE PALM*
I hate her but at the same time, is it because she's such a catty bitch, or is it because she's totally right?  Then of course, I start thinking of all the hard work I feel like I've been putting in and that girl sidles up to me again and whispers in my ear all sarcastic, "Way to go!  Only 11 more pounds to lose and you'll be exactly right back to the weight you were when you started a year ago!"

I look up in the mirror expecting to see myself and obviously a ratty, pinched-faced girl to match her craptastic attitude, but all I see is me.  The mean girl is in my head and she's just getting louder the longer I let her hang out with me.  She's starting to get all whiny because if it weren't for me, our year would already be up and I'd already have a success story of my own.  Instead, I listened to that other girl in my head who said it was okay to just order the 10 piece nuggets because logically speaking, it costs less than to just get the 6 piece and really, who am I to argue against financial logic?

These girls are getting on my nerves.  I don't see them hanging around or willing to tough it out with me when I'm digging to find just that little bit more on the frisbee field, or in the pool, or in kickboxing class.  So you know what, girls?  You may be right, but you're not there when it counts, so I think I'll keep going without you. 

I'm in the market to find a new me, myself and I.  And we're going to get healthy and fit without you!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Too Long?

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends!  Hope you're enjoying your long weekend!

*looks around* Want to know a secret? *whispers* This long weekend is too long :S

I went to the gym this morning, I made dinner, we've eaten it, and I've already had a snack. Being the long weekend, everything is closed and I'm kind of bored.  The only thing left to do is clean and clearly, no one can ever be THAT bored, can they?

This is my first long weekend after trying to get to know a new me and it was kind of tough.  I say kind of because I didn't really resist the Thanksgiving eating part too much.  I'm not going to use this time to get too down on myself about it though because unlike the old me, I was pretty conscious of what I was eating and exercised a lot more portion control than I'm used to (old me: what portion control?), so I ate the delicious foods I wanted and with the extended workout that I did on Saturday, I kind of feel that I earned it a little. 

But being so busy all the time, I'm just not used to all this extra time I had.  Extra time means I have more opportunities to sit and think.  Sitting and thinking usually means having time to think I'm bored (or realizing that my life long dream is knit or build a tree house..or that I can't live another day without swimming goggles).  Thinking I'm bored usually leads to thinking that I'm hungry.  Thinking I'm hungry usually means NOM NOM NOM.

Technically, I don't know what I'm whining about, I still actually have 800 something calories to eat today so that MFP doesn't scold me for not eating enough.  The problem is that everything I want to eat is more than the calories I have left.  I'm one of those addicts that can't just do portion control most of the time.  If I'm going to eat something bad, I can't just be like, 'well, okay, you've had a taste of it, now back away."  Instead my mind says, "ah well, you've done it now, might as well just go all out! And get that bag of chips too, while you're already at it!"  So instead of telling myself I can have a little...I'm just not even going to let me get there.

So basically, now I'm just living in fear.  Apparently, my other problem is that I can't just be moderate.  I'm usually one extreme or another and we all know that you can't go all hard all the time.  Clearly not me anyway since the last time I buckled down and tried to lose weight, I was only able to keep up with it for a short while before I ran away screaming into the arms of carbs.  I'm really TRYING to not make this a big deal or think of it as a diet.  Diets don't work and I know what I really need is a lifestyle change.  I want to be able to go anywhere and trust myself to be able to make some healthy food choices, but every time I have the opportunity to succeed at this, I have definitely failed and gone for the most delicious (aka the worst) menu option available.

In any case, sitting here thinking about things is making me feel like I'm going in circles and that I'm hungry again *LOL* I'm considering going for a run *shudders* and that's almost as bad as voluntarily cleaning...

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

She who keeps quitting keeps restarting...

...unless she runs away and pretends there's no problem!

What's that sound you hear?  It's the sound of whatever is equivalent to me shuffling back here with my tail tucked between my legs.

You know what I tell myself every time I quit?  If I had just stuck around, stuck it out and sucked it up, I would be in a completely different place than I am right now.

I can't even say what really started me back.  A week before I got the notion that I wanted to join a gym, I started trying to eat a bit healthier.  It could have been because we just booked a trip to Vegas in February, it could have been because I need to fit into a bridesmaid dress but I don't remember those things being the "big thing" that I'm going to attribute to my fantastical weight loss in my memoir.  It could have been a mix of that and also the fact that I was kind of tired of the fast food joints around my area - the lady at the Wendy's drive-thru window and I are such good friends now she tells me happy news like when her daughter gives birth to her first grandchild and she asks me things like what's happened with my truck because I've been driving the car recently.  My co-worker, while applauding that I have now made a friend, also said where and how I made it (by going to Wendy's so often) is not exactly a good thing *wince*

So anywho, I got it into my head that I wanted to join a gym.  Not just any gym.  The Athletic Club that they just built by my house.  I happened to mention to my other co-worker that I was thinking of joining, and she said, "Catherine, no! You know you just get these ideas but never go.  Look at GoodLife.  You donated to them for over a year without ever going inside once!"  And I said, "You're right, Teresa.  I never actually go to the gym."  So two days later, I was signed up.  Whoops!  I mean, I hear what she says, but when I get an idea in my head...well...

Apparently, an unfortunate thing about this gym is that they won't let me work out until I go through a Personal Fitness Assessment.  Ugh.  Fine.

The lady was immediately annoyed with me because the first thing she asked for was my personal fitness journal that I was supposed to fill out before the assessment.  I LOVE filling out forms.  Give me anything with questions and blank spaces for me to write and I will fill. them. out.  So it was done.  However, it's been psychotic at work and I ended up staying so late that I had just enough time to blow into the house, change and run out.  I was parking the car when I realized I had forgotten it and I live about fifteen minutes away.  I would rather come empty handed than late, so I had to go in without it.  She was NOT impressed.  She must have referred to it over five times in snide asides (ie. Asks a question, then says, sorry I have to ask, if you'd brought your book, I could have just seen it there). 

So we sit and start to chat and I'm trying to be as honest as possible.  I know what kind of answers these gym folks would love to hear when they ask why I decided to join, but instead of saying 'because I know that The Athletic Club is JUST the solution to bring me to my health and fitness goals when no other weight loss plan ever did', I said "I don't really know, the pictures on the website were nice.  This place looks like a hotel!"  I get squinty eyes.

She asks if I eat out a lot and I said yes and she asks if I'd be interested in personal training (Surprise! I TOTES did NOT see that coming Sarcasm, my darlings. Sarcasm.) to which I said not really since it's not financially attainable at the moment.  She asked why I thought I had problems losing weight and I said that besides being lazy for the most part, I didn't have a lot of time.

And that was that.  We started with the assessments and clearly my results weren't all that stellar.  Once she typed it all into her super cool little software and printed out all my bad, bad numbers, she proceeded to tell me that The Athletic Club offers personal training sessions, the least amount of sessions being eight.  She said that since I mentioned that money was an issue, 24 sessions is my BARE minimum in sessions she would recommend, and in FACT, if money WEREN'T an issue, she would recommend a 100 personal training sessions for me and it wouldn't even get me to my goal weight - which incidentally, is still too high for my height.

All this condescension and attitude and she's known me for all of what, half an hour?!  If she'd bothered to get to know me at all, she'd know that whatever angle or tactic she was working on was NOT for me.  While she was talking I considered asking her to walk me through cancelling my membership and then after that, I also considered running straight to the Walmart McDonald's and covering some chicken nuggets in some tears.  I mean, I couldn't really say much, yes, I'm overweight, yes, I get lazy, but that's all it takes for her to treat me like that? 

Instead, I had some really good friends who told me to forget her and show people like her.  Show her that no, I do NOT need personal training (especially personal training that's $180 per session) and that I can do it on my own, with proper eating and with supportive friends.  Instead of quitting.

This was also exactly the time that I remembered where I got the BEST help and support and non-make-me-cry-into-chicken-nuggets feelings.  MFP!  So I'm back.  I'm scared to promise too much because we all know that I don't have the best follow through, but I'm going to try.  And then I'm going to try again and again.  And in November, for my follow-up session, I can smile and I say that she DID motivate me.  Just not in the way she intended and just not in the way that I would EVER recommend again.
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