Thank you for doing that! You have given a teeny tiny ray of light in
my pitch black view of humanity. I probably won't remember this again
after this week is over, but at least you can rest assured that I won't
be cursing your warm private areas with an infestation of the fleas of a
thousand camels, or the bites of 10,000 mosquito before you fall into a
pool of pirranahs.
*LOOKING AT YOU, HEART RATE MONITOR and/or SUNGLASSES STEALER*
P.S. Even though I think I paid waaaaaaay too much money for the tickets
to crap-ass seats and I can think of TONS of other things I could use
with that money - including going BACK to the states and getting my
jacket and more stuff for MYSELF. You better be worth it.
Thank you for opening up your bakery however many years ago. I will be
forever thankful for the birth of delicious long johns. I would also
like to thank your staff for having a whole TRAY of them available when
I walked in, because as you know, long johns are usually gone by 10 am.
So, really it was fate that they were still there and I couldn't NOT
get half a dozen of them.
Do I have white powdered sugar on my face?
Dear John @ work,
It was a good idea to make us give back our building keys because you
had the building entrances replaced with fobs instead. Except when I
got into the building today, I couldn't get past the stairwell because
the stairwell to floor entrances don't have fobs and we now no longer
have keys to get in. Maybe you should clarify that the fobs are really
stairwell entrances and that you don't really want any one to actually
get into their offices or you could get your crap together and fix it.
Just a suggestion.
Unfortunately, I did not enjoy meeting you, despite the
circumstances not being totally your fault - and I DEFINITELY did not
enjoy your surprise. If you want to play video games or with joysticks,
please go to the arcade. Thanks.
P.S. I think you should also be grateful that I didn't pee on you. If
you're going to tell everyone to drink five glasses of water an hour
before coming in, you shouldn't press down so hard!
Thanks for seeing my Polar heart rate monitor strap and transmitter and
NOT turning it in. I hope you are haunted by dreams of it coming to
life and strangling you while you are sleeping so that you will never
know a good night's rest EVER. Or that I somehow had some kind of
weird, diseased sweat fungus that I left on the strap and you are now
totally infected by it and that you get gangrene on all your sensitive
bits and you forever smell like rotting cottage cheese. That's what
should happen to people like you. Enjoy the transmitter and strap.
I hope you think of me when karma comes back to bite you in your
dishonest, sneaky, dirty self.