Wednesday, October 13, 2010

If at first you don't succeed...

...put down the chicken wing and step AWAY from the bowl of mashed potatoes.

*sad face*

I think it's safe to say that when I'm not blogging, I'm not running.  When I'm not running, I'm most likely sitting.  When I'm sitting, I'm most likely eating.  When I'm eating, I'm most likely not being good.  And finally...when I'm not being good...I'm gaining.

*deep breath* Okay.  Here it is.  I stepped onto the scale a few days ago (prior to the Thanksgiving orgy that I am ashamed to say I heartily took part in) and I've pretty much gained back all the weight I lost.  Everything that I've been running for since June...it's all back and with a vengeance. :(

I know I shouldn't be all *insert sad face here* since I did it to myself...but still can't help feeling down anyway.  I thought this time around would be different.  I was doing so good!  But I guess I got too confident and thought I could do good all by myself.  Not so much....

So Thanksgiving...I guess I was thankful for the creation of carbs and the fact that I could eat them.  Mashed potatoes? I put gravy on it.  Deep fried turkey? I put gravy on it.  Seconds? I put gravy on it!

I feel like I'm all over the place.  Kind of feeling down about the state that I've let myself get to - again and I have this huge urge to get back on the bandwagon but then this overwhelming sense of 'giving-up' vibes.  I guess also not the best state of mind a week and a half before the race in Niagara.

I don't know where I am.  Feeling kind of scattered about stuff.  I mean, I get these moments when I'm like, YES.  I'm going for a run.  I want to get back on track.  But then as soon as I get home, it's like, oh look, there's the couch so nice and warm and comfy and next thing you know, I've hibernated the night away.   I mean, I know that I could probably go out if Tara came with me or Bart pushed me, but I'm finding it disappointing that I can't count on myself to push me.  I'm so content at being okay.  I did the Run for the Cure and found out that I was okay at it and I was okay with that.  I don't feel the need to be better than what I was.  I have no idea where my drive went.

Anywho, I feel like this is a sad post.  I feel sad.  Then again, I don't think I can even attribute this sadness to my laziness...I cried at the end of Criminal Minds today and at another show that has completely escaped my mind right now! and then I cried when I watched the 31st out of 33 miners get pulled out of the mine.  I'm hoping this is residual weirdo hormones as I'm also just coming off my TMO.

Tara's decided to intercede on my lackadaisical take on running now and she's coming down on Saturday AND Sunday to run with me.  She hasn't run over the Thanksgiving weekend either so she wants to give herself a swift kick in the behind too, but I think it's benefiting myself more than for her.  But she's got that drive that I don't seem to have anymore.  She knows what she did on the CIBC Run and she WANTS to do better.  *sigh*

I think I need to pull myself together...and I can't count or expect other people to pull me together for myself.  I have to do it on my own.  I have to.  So if I say I promise myself that I'm going out for a run tomorrow...I wonder if I really will.

It probably doesn't help that I'm feeling hungry right now.  I would like to eat a bowl of cereal.  Maybe I can get a glass of water and see how I feel either.  I read in a book somewhere that a lot of times that people feel hungry it's usually that they're thirsty because people are usually dehydrated.

So off to find a glass of water and possibly get some cuddles from the hubby.  I need cuddles.

I think this will be my depressing post for the week.  You can hang out today sad face, but tomorrow you're running.  A crying face, a grimacing face or any kind of face can be in existence tomorrow but no more sorry for me face. 

What was it that I read once?  On the heels of failure comes my next success?

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