Thursday, August 26, 2010

Things I've Learned...

...Some new things that I've learned on my recent adventures in weight-loss:

1. No matter how long you wait around on the toilet, you usually feel like you really have to go about five minutes into your run (on a treadmill). You usually feel like you *really* have to go the farther you are away from your house (when running outside).

1a. Bushes are your friend...or out-of-view-of-traffic fields...

2. Animal poses rarely look like the animals they are supposed to represent in yoga...unless you're on meditative mushrooms (ie. try doing/looking at the eagle pose when you're high, it looks like crap and I'm sure it's a lot harder to do when you're clean). This is merely observation (as I do not, nor endorse, nor condone, nor have available to me the use of happy mushrooms or other products of the sort), but look at a pigeon pose and tell me where exactly you see a pigeon. Yogis only saw those in their "happy" places. Obviously.

3. Things you wouldn't normally have thought about - or even wanted- are *WAY* more appealing when you know you can't have them and you discover awesome things that you KNOW you can't have once you swear to be good, ie. Deep fried chocolate bars...and deep fried butter. I don't know how the latter is accomplished, but I'd sure love to eat it.

4. Trying to be best friends with a tape measure means you'll want to strangle and hang yourself with it later. Start that relationship with caution or measure away from high ceiling beams...

5. Throwing the scale across the room does NOT count as weight-lifting. Even if you wear an HRM to count calories - unlog that shit from your exercise diaries!

6. Not eating all day to save all your calories to eat a whole box of Kraft dinner has GOT to have some negative repercussions! Although, funnily enough, I can't think of any at the moment... *whispers* I love you, KD...

7. Don't drink chocolate milk before yoga. Especially if you're slightly lactose intolerant.

8. It may or may not refer to your ass in yoga-speak, but I still haven't learned what a bhungus (sp?) is. Maybe I'll learn that in time for my next list.

9. Losing nine pounds still hasn't stopped my stomach from rolling down my underwear...

10. You start to alienate other people when you insist on talking ONLY about running and when you find ways to turn the conversation around to how you can run half an hour without stopping. I've learned that people get irritated by this after a while. Usually it's the people who can't run even close to half an hour. So that doesn't really count.

11. You can ALWAYS find something new to buy in relation with working out and it will TOTALLY inspire and motivate you. When the inspiration and motivation are gone, you can buy something else and it'll come back! I don't recommend the personal trampoline though, that's just personal injury waiting to happen.

12. Don't try to lift hand-weights and jog on a trampoline at the same time. Unless you want that bar-fight-nose kind of look...

13. Your mind is sometimes your worst enemy - in weight-loss, working out and in pretty much daily activity. Find ways to overcome it, your mind has low laurels to rest on and it's happy where it is for the most part.

14. Relying too heavily on "spanx"-type products will ensure you have them in increasing sizes over time. Work on 13 and you won't even need to succumb to the evil-ness that is "spanx"! *hiss* I hate you spanx...

15. Buying "spanx"-type products will not make you look like the SKINNY models who model them on TV. Back away from the very realistic and convincing infomercial!

16. Slow and steady wins the race. If you didn't work hard to achieve it, earn it and succeed, it won't feel as good when you achieve it, earn it and succeed! Taking the short cut means you probably missed some awesome feelings along the way. Just keep at it. Slow and steady wins the race. You can do it. Just keep going. Slow and steady.

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