Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Fear...

Everytime I think about running this afternoon, my tummy does a little Mexican fiesta jig and I feel like I could pee myself a little...

I fear the self-induced punishment that is waiting for me outside...

I need a paper bag.

The Power of Retail Mentality

Awwwwww YEAH, guess who's getting a Polar F4! *Insert Carlton Banks dance HERE*

Well, we did it and it was WAAAAY better than what I feared!  When I think back to Monday, it was a big, ol' mess, but today I'd have to say that we really looked like runners!

Check it out!



Tara finally consented to taking a picture with me *LOL* For a second I considered cropping this picture because I wasn't feeling my belly bulge-i-ness, but it is what it is, right?  I wouldn't have weight-loss entries and weight-loss goals if I looked skinny, right?  So there we are in all our running glory!  Don't we just look like runners though?! Check out the armband that Tara gave me - MP3 player no longer hanging out in my sports bra! Bwahahaha! She'd been on a mission to find an armband for her iPod and from finding nothing, all of a sudden she had two and she gave the other one to me! w00t!

Anywho, there was a little bit of a dramatic moment prior to the start of our run...



No, I'm not trying to show cleavage, pervs, look farther down at my poor little knee!  We were getting into our brisk five minute warm-up walk - CORRECTION: Actually, I don't even think we'd even started that yet either!  I was fooling around with my MP3 player when my foot got caught in the gap between the sidewalk and grass (edging?) and I totally just keeled/crumpled over.  Tara was talking to me and she didn't even realize I was on the ground *LOL* It was a doozy, I completely rolled over my ankle as I fell and for a second there, I didn't think I was going to be going anywhere but the hospital to get my ankle check.

CONFESSION: After Tara hauled me up and my ankle was throbbing, I had a secret delighted thought that maybe I wasn't going to be running after all! BWHAHAHA, and then almost as if Tara could hear my thoughts, she was like, "Walk it off, you're running."

And walk it off I did.  Thankfully, the throbbing eased up the more that I walked and I was able to complete the run!  I was telling Tara that I thought we went up the hill a lot slower because it felt a LOT easier than it had on Monday, but nope...even with the added delay of my dramatic fall, I found that we were finishing our runs sooner than Monday and we still got back at exactly the same time (again, it would have been a few minutes earlier had I not wasted our time falling to the ground).

Since my MP3 player timing got messed up while I was busy falling, Tara was in charge of signaling the start and stop of the runs and when she signaled only one minute left of the last three minute run, I got all excited thinking that mama's comin' home with a new Polar! w00t!  She rounded the corner ahead of me (I did fall behind - or if you want to look at it another way, she just ran faster than me) so when I got around the corner, she was already signaling that our last three minute run was done and instead of stopping, I decided to sprint the last few seconds to catch up with her!  It was a funny feeling though, when I put on that last burst of speed, I couldn't really feel my legs. *LOL*

Anywho, we got back all triumphant and Nurse Tammy took care of my running injury.


That spray she used to clean it up was a mofo! It's not really as bad as it looks and Tara pretty much predicted that I'd milk it for all it was worth.  I was hoping that the blood would run down my leg a bit more...it would have upped the dramatic factor walking in that way.  *LOL*



Ah well! I'm all patched up and even though it is stinging, it's nothing new to the life of Cat.

But after all that anxiety and fear about going, I'm feeling mighty proud of us for going out there and gettin' 'er done!  So I will just have to remind myself of the way I felt today when we start week four on Monday.  Monday's are just evil all on their own anyway.

Tara's off tomorrow and Friday, leaving me to run the last run of the week by myself (I'm not even counting the treadmill run as an actual run) so I'm meeting the girls tomorrow at the gym and I'll do my run there - yes, on an evil treadmill, but I will suck it up and actually put it on an incline.  That way, I can have my first Friday lunch off to actually have lunch!

Bargaining Unit

Okay, here's the deal.

As you can tell from the previous/earlier post, I'm pretty damn nervous about this run.  I know that going into it with misgivings and negative thoughts that I'm already entertaining is not going to help my performance or mindset at all.  I couldn't find anyone to pick a fight with since no one is actually around (yeah, seriously, but that's another matter unto its own and I don't really care anyway, hopefully I don't get robbed or anything...but then again, if I did, I would probably have to stay to give statements and stuff...which would cut into my running time and I probably wouldn't even have time to go...hmm....)

Sorry, where was I?

Right, okay.  Deal.  Here it is.  If I can make it through today, with the extra 0.20 km that we're going to add (another effing hill for crying out loud - sometimes I hate Tara a little bit....) I'm going to get this:



*happy dance* I know I already bought a HRM last year, but I didn't do enough research on it.  If I had known better, I would have definitely gotten the chest-strap, but instead, I'm stuck trying to get my heart beat readings and calories burned by sticking my finger on those two tiny little sensors.  It sucks and is definitely not accurate since half the time (especially after the hill when I can barely breathe!) it can't even read my beats!  So here we go...if I finish today's run, that baby will be on my wrist and around my chest for tomorrow's run.  If I don't finish it...well...then no can do, I'm not allowed to buy it.

There.  It's written and out there.  C'mon Cat.  WE CAN DOOO THIS!!!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dazed and Confused...

If I could do one destructive thing, I would take a baseball bat to a treadmill.  I am *SO* angry with treadmills right now, it's not even funny.  Treadmills and I are on the outs - just like me and Mother Nature.  I was and still really am beyond dazed and confused, I'm befuddled...confuddled (I'm aware this is not entirely a word), just in shock. 

After riding the high of feeling all accomplished and athletic from my surprise gym visit and my successful preview of C25K's week three, although I conceded that treadmills make for easier runs, I was still thinking that at least I was a bit prepared for our run on Monday.

Oh how I *SO* wasn't prepared to have my ass kicked by week three.  Tara's saying when we finish a run is that we kicked asphalt, to me, it felt more like I gently nudged it with my little toe and it turned around and drop kicked me.  After the run, I was joking that while Tara was looking to see if it was safe to cross the road, I was looking for a car to jump in front of, because if I got hit by a car, I could at least stop running - maybe catch my breath.  It was BY FAR, the most difficult run ever. EVER.  It was ridonculous!  I'm still in shock how difficult it was.

Near the end, I had to send Tara ahead.  I swear I didn't quit or stop (although I entertained the thought which is what probably kept me going) but I was pretty much jogging at the speed of a turtle walking backwards.  In a way that was like childbirth, you know where the peeps tell you to breathe and to focus on something, I was focused on noise of my breathing.  Tara said it's pretty much how she knew I was still behind her.  As long as she could hear me huffing and puffing away, I was still behind her - and alive. *LOL*  Imagine Steffi Graph running around looking like a complete shit show - complete with the tennis sounds.  That was me dragging my ass down the sidewalk.  It didn't help that while I was focused on huffing and puffing, I ended up sucking back a wad of my own spit and practically choked myself with breath that I didn't even have to spare!  I didn't even have time to see spots in front of my eyes, I could have pretty much went straight to unconsciousness.

Anywho!  That's the dramatic moment of my run on Monday.  It was a complete shock that I was nowhere near prepared to make that run and I think it made it worse that I thought I knew what I was in for but had nooo idea. 

More bad news, I think I've been fighting coming down with a cold for the past couple days.  I felt like I was getting a sore throat on Sunday evening and it was definite yesterday and I'm now popping Cold FX and DanActives like they're water hoping that I'll feel okay enough to run.  As much as I would *LOVE* to quit, I know that if I call in sick and don't make the run, I don't think I'll be getting back into my running shoes. Ever.  I HAVE to.  I don't care how much of a crap show I am tomorrow, I just have to be out there!

You know when you watch those weight-loss shows, ie. The Biggest Loser and you see the trainers yelling at the people trying to lose weight and telling them to dig deep and they're all crying saying they can't do it, they can't do it and you're sitting there watching and rolling your eyes telling the TV if you were there, you'd totally be awesome.  Yeah, it has just been proven to me that I barely had enough to dig deep.  I dug shallow and although I finished the run, it was awful.

Now I'm sitting here feeling parts of my body I didn't know had sensory nerves and muscles in my butt that I didn't know existed and all I'm doing is sitting here.

So if you haven't noticed, this entire post is pretty much a big whining session.  I want to whine about my run, I want to complain about stupid C25K and how much I hate the program, the guy who's talking on it, I hate the sidewalk, I hate that damn hill and the whole damn run and I hate that it was my stupid idea and I'm mad at me because I don't know when to keep my mouth shut and if I hadn't talked about it, I wouldn't be suffering it right now and be extremely scared for tomorrow's lunch hour to come. *breathes* Thank goodness I'm typing because I need to save all my breath.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore and if there was really a point to this post besides complaining! *LOL*  Hopefully I'll be able to get to sleep early and wake up feeling great tomorrow....

Oh, note to self, I should try to pick a fight with someone before my run tomorrow.  I found out today that rage can power a lot of things.  I got so pissed off today that I felt like I could have run circles around week three.  The rage is long gone now, so I'm back to fearing the sidewalk...

Wish me luck tomorrow!

P.S. CONFESSION: I totally caved and ate a huge bowl of spaghetti this evening.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Chugga-chugga-choo-choo!

...it's going to sound corny and so after-school-special but I am DEFINITELY feeling a little like the Little Engine That Could today - and I know that I'm probably speaking a little too early and I'll get my butt kicked by week three when the time has come, but hey:

WEEK TWO IS DONE! 

If I may even say, we ran in circles around week two! *insert three fist pumps here* Booya! Bwahahaha, I'm *SO* gonna pay for my cockiness right now, but I'm so very proud of Tara and I! Hopefully the same pattern will follow when last week, we couldn'see ourselves running 90 seconds, next week we'll be running three minute intervals. *BARF*

I have so much stuff swimming in my head, I'm having a hard time grasping at them to throw them down into coherent sentences.  So I'll muddle and jumble along...

Earlier today I was definitely feeling the quitting vibes.  I had all my gear with me - I even got a new work out top *w00t* and I packed everything up, but I just wasn't feeling it.  Not even just dreading it, but flat out wanted to throw down and get back on that nice, comfy couch and calling a spade a spade.  What's worse, Tara's quote of the day:
"If it wasn't for you, I'd poon out."

I had to bite my tongue to encourage to go ahead and poon like never before and I would join her, but nope.  Like dutiful, responsible runners (more like everyone in the office has been watching us go for these runs and we went to save face...*LOL*) we got changed and out we went.  It's that last final interval stretch that makes all the difference.  The first interval, we're feeling good, thinking to ourselves how much easier it is this time around, the second interval is up the hill and we're just bursting out with profanities and I'm huffing and wheezing like I'm trying to blow a little piglet's house down.  The third interval, I'm pretty much just loving all over Newton and his principles of gravity because whatever goes up must come down and oh how much I *LOVE* that down part of the hill!  Fourth interval is all exciting since we cross traffic even when the light doesn't say to walk - we are SUCH rebels.  The fifth interval is the second crappiest next to the devil's hill since it's pretty much a straight line and about halfway through this straight line, both Tara and I are wondering out loud where the eff the guy is and if maybe he forgot to keep track of time to tell us to stop running.  The LAST interval...that's the hardest but the BEST.  It's this off and on running, I've noticed it's just SO much harder to pick up and start running again, but at the same time, it's the LAST one.  For me, it's the last one that tells me that even though I thought I wasn't going to make it through the second interval, I did and now I made it to the LAST one.  I don't feel at all uplifted or motivated, but it also tells me that we're almost done!  Hey look at this, how LONG is this paragraph gonna go on for, eh?

Anywho...we finished and we came back shaving off MORE time since the last run!  We were looking like the cats that ate the canary with our chocolate milk after.  Oh right...CHECK THIS OUT!

So enough about the running! I've got NEWS!  This chubster is down ONE INCH! *happy one inch less dance*  I'm not seeing the results right now scale-wise, but the tape measure does not lie!  And I didn't even measure creatively this time, I measured first, thought I must have done something wrong and measured again and still the same results!

One is my new favourite number!  Now if I can only keep myself from not getting craptastically carried away over the weekend...

Friday, June 18, 2010

I Think I'm Alone Now...

So...random thoughts that I thought while walking/jogging (wogging?) alone:
  • I wonder if I can push that kid and jack his bike from him...
  • I should have stashed a bike somewhere halfway through the route...
  • If I got hit by a car, I could just lie down on the street...
  • Let's just stop now, nobody would know...
  • I would know...shut up.
  • Fine. You're not even going that fast anyway.
  • Hills were made by the devil!!!!
  • I frickin' hate this guy.  He probably just made the MP3 track and didn't run it himself...
  • I wonder if that mother would push me grocery cart-style on her kid's stroller...
  • We can just stop now you know...
  • Be quiet, I'm wogging!
  • We should have just hung out at Tim Horton's and splashed water on our face so we look sweaty!
  • Shut. UP! I'm almost done!
But whatever, I DID IT!!! All by myself! No cheating, no quitting!  I would feel on top of the world if I didn't know that someone walking pretty fast could have gone faster than I jogged...but still!  *happy gimpy, limpy dance* for me!

I did notice that I was limping a bit more.  The shin splints on my left leg were KILLER today!  And I thought going slower would help that, but I think it exacerbated it more by since walking slower meant I took more steps and caused the toe to flex more often than not? Ah, who knows!

I had my doctor's appointment yesterday about my heel anyway and as Google so correctly diagnosed it (though I didn't tell my doctor that - apparently doctors don't like it when you use Google to diagnose yourself... *LOL*) I have what is called plantar fasciitis which also resulted in a heel spurr on my right foot. I'd noticed it for quite a long time now - especially in the morning when I would practically have to limp to get to the washroom the bottom of my heel hurt so much!  But anywho, I have to do a bunch of these stretches he gave me (which I promptly forgot to do last night) and get orthotics.  *wrinkles nose* First because orthotics just sounds like something that old people wear...and second, those suckers are expensive!!! Granted my benefits may cover them, but I still have to put the money out first!  Meh...

CONFESSION: So I did my run and yay for me, I turned around and ate something from the bakery equivalent to a Cinnabon perhaps, and stupid Cinnabon has 730 calories in ONE!!!  Well, there goes my run...*LOL*  It leaves me with only 560 calories left for lunch and dinner which means I'll have to think of something else to do so I can gain a little bit more calories!  Bah.  One step forward a whole bunch steps back...it could not be helped.  That bakery is wonderful!  Love those mennonites!

Anywho, I'm already starting to feel the results of spiking up my insulin on my glycemic index. *yawn*

Off to read a book work!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Baby Steps = Small Victories

...but victories NONETHELESS!

We did it! We were able to go through the whole Week 1 track without quitting! *happy dance*

It was definitely still REALLY hard for me though, but I noticed that it wasn't as awful as it had been on Monday.  I couldn't catch my breath, and I didn't see bright lights flashing in front of my eyes, but it still didn't stop me from kind of wishing that I would get hit by a car so I could just stop running. *knock on wood*

Hopefully, I won't be such a lollygagger on Monday so I might be able to keep up with Tara more.  I know for sure she's slowing down her pace for me, but I really just can't bring myself to care - I'm not going any faster!

Friday will definitely be a challenge for me too - I'll be goin' it ALONE. So my first goal will be to make sure I actually GO and second is to make sure I do it ALL!  It'll be so easy to quit or be lazy if Tara's not around.  Worst of all, it has occurred to me that I can just hide out at Tim Horton's for an hour, splash water on my face and have the best run of my life...but then again, fooling everyone is only fooling myself.  I'll still be chubster.  So I've already told everyone that that idea occurred to me, so now I'll feel like I can't do that.  Hopefully.  Anywho, here's some pictures!



This is after the horrific run on Monday.  It's funny how I can pretend to be smiling when I really just want to succumb to the fact that I can't breath and follow the little black spots floating in front of my eyes into unconscious oblivion!



Woohoo! Day Two of the challenge and I'm smiling for real!  I'm standing awkward though because my shin splints were thinking it would rather have me collapse in a heap on the floor!  I guess we could also consider this one my before picture.  Well, even if I'm hyperventillating on the side of the road, at least I look the part.  I'm totally rocking that running back-pack, HRM watch and MP3 player!  Although, wearing black can't really make you look all THAT slimmer when you're really not all THAT slim, so we'll stick with this.  Hopefully, I'll get a chance to post an after picture!  I never got to last year since I quit. *LOL* 



And here's my MJ seal of approval salad! w00t!  Besides the dressing (which I did overestimate on), it is very healthy!  There's baby romaine lettuce, chick peas (*barf*), cucumbers, celery and a little shaved carrots and I put in some roasted chicken breast and deep fried onion.  Although to be fair about the deep fried part, I don't put that much at all - no one wants killer onion breath the whole day!

Anywho!  I made an excellent discovery that I'm ridiculously (if not so over) excited about!  I am a big fan of Google Maps for driving, but I had no idea that if you hit the walking button as the mode of transportation, you are able to go right on the map and draw out EXACTLY where you walk and it'll totally calculate the distance! I *LOVE* it!  Here, have a peek at our route!



It looks wonky because I blurred out all the street names and stuff - not really a big fan of adding an unwanted/unknown running buddy at this time.  Anywho, according to Google Maps, it's a total of 4.5 km and we are walking/running/walking it in 45 minutes (that is factoring in that on some of those days, we go into Tim Horton's) so if we kept straight at it, it would mean less time - but today I had to...big surprise...tinkle and it couldn't wait!

I totally made the mistake of wearing those underwears that promise to not move anywhere upwards so to speak, so that means it has like...this rubber lining the bottoms and it does NOT make for a quick washroom break when you're sweaty all over.  Rubber doesn't move so quick (or so pain-free) on sweaty skin, I have discovered. Just a little note to self there...

Another little discovery I've made today: celery only tastes good when there's peanut butter or Cheese Whiz in the canal or when heavily loaded with DIP.  Otherwise, celery should just not exist.

Off to finish the rest of the work day and then get some ice packs on my legs!!!

Secret...

I'm having an affair.  Yeah, I know.  I can't help it.

It just happened all of a sudden - well I know nothing really ever happens all of a sudden.  I guess I probably encouraged it by trying so hard, but still...I try not to go, but I always end up going! I can't stop it! I can't help myself!  It just feels so good after!  It just irritates me that I have to move my clothes around and wash up after myself.

I'm having an affair...with the toilet.

Apparently, trying to reach the daily recommended intake of 8 cups of water a day can do that to ya!

Bwahahaha, I know that was so tacky!  But whatever, you were shocked and intrigued, right?  Unless of course, you know me personally and were probably already thinking I was talking about the toilet...or chicken wings.  I have to admit, I do cave rather quickly to chicken wing dalliances.

Anywho, I feel like it's my new hobby or something!  I keep having to GO!  If EVERYONE in this building tried to drink their 8 cups, we'd ALL be spending our day lining up to go to the bathroom or we'd all be at home because we'd all be fired from lining up so often to go to the bathroom! Sheesh!

So, now that I've TMI'd it to the max today, I am *SO* scared right now!

It's 12:11 and in a few minutes, we'll be heading out to do our second day of the C25K.  *cries*  I can't even begin to tell you how happy I was to see that it was raining out! I was like, YES! Why didn't I think to do a rain dance yesterday to make sure that it at least lasted for the whole day!  After a bit of discussion, Tara has decided that we should keep going outside since it's not really raining anymore and not wanting to be a party pooper, I agreed.  But can't she SEE how I fear that hill?!  Great, at 27 years of age, I constantly have to potty and I'm afraid of things I shouldn't. 

Anywho, the only good news right now is that my salad finally got the MJ seal of approval!  More about that later, it's RUNNING TIME!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Spots and Bright Lights

O.
M.
G.

It's been an hour and a half since we got back from our run and it's only just now that I can feel like I can breathe without chest pains or keeling over and pretty much passing out.  If I were some kind of torturer person for the government or some shady group, I would TOTALLY use running as a complete form of punishment.  Much like the Chinese water torture, where you think to yourself that it can't be that bad, I will TOTALLY put anybody I'm torturing on a continuous loop of the first week of the Couch to 5K.

What's even worse is that just when I'm seeing an alternation of bright lights and black spots in front of my eyes and all light-headed, that dillhole on the MP3 track is just saying that I shouldn't be feeling tired or out of breath and I'm like, WHAT?!  Well, I guess I'm almost not feeling tired and out of breath...I'm almost passed out and faceplanted directly in the middle of the sidewalk.

Ugh. Confession: I didn't even finish the whole thing.  Week one is supposed to be a five minute warm up walk and then twenty minutes of alternating 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking and then a last five minute cool down walk.  I didn't do the last 60 seconds of jogging and instead just did more brisk walking.

 I felt like such a cop-out but I don't think there was any way I was getting my legs to pick up their pace again.  I only lasted as long as I did because of Tara.  Not that she egged me on in any way or anything, but just seeing that she was still going really made me want to push too, but she was SO nice about me quitting that last 60 second jog.  Excellent running buddy for sure!  I thought she'd be meaner and try to push me more!  Who knows, probably since today was the first one and we didn't know what to expect, but I doubt she'll go that easy on me for future.  I'm promising myself that I will do the WHOLE thing on Wednesday and Friday.  I feel like if it was only just ONE more minute, I should have been able to push it and finish it...but ah well!  We finished it and ended up being where we normally are halfway through our walk, so we made a LOT of time, plus because we had so much time, we extended our running streets and went even FURTHER!  The last 15 minutes of the walk, we still kept up the pace (my HRM was telling me my BPM at the end of the walk was at 170 BPMs) so we didn't slack!

There was sweat dripping and running into both my eyes, I couldn't tell if I was crying from the sweat stinging my eyeballs or if it was just regular tears running down my face.  I know I'm feeling okay now, but it was SO HARD!  I'm looking ahead at the weeks to come and I'm feeling that sweat stinging my eyes again - oh, who am I kidding, I'm feeling like I want to start crying!

BUT. But. There is a little upside story to this.  My HRM wasn't able to catch me BPMs in the middle of the run (my fingers were SO sweaty and I know my heart rate was completely erratic) so it was only calculating stuff based on our earlier BPM check of 140, so I'm thinking the calories I actually burned was WAY higher than the 391 it said I burned at the end of the 45 minute walk!  But anywho, I put those figures into my exercise log and I now have 931 calories to use for my afternoon snack and dinner!  YAY!  So now I'm just trying to figure out what we should have for dinner.  We definitely have to a do a grocery run, so I might have to get creative or it might be a bad dinner! 

Anywho, I was playing around with some of the tools over at MFP and came across their BMI tool.  I know it's not really the be all and end all, but this is definitely something to think about:



*wince* Yup...there's my little arrow at OBESE.  It's not that it really surprises me, but ay carumba!  Ah well...that's the starting off-point.  It doesn't matter that I quit before, I know I can do it and I have more of a support system and I don't have a short-term goal to work towards so I can just quit after, so hopefully I'll be able to see this thing through and have it so that I really LIKE to exercise and eat more healthily and not make it feel like this is SUCH a HARD thing to do!  We'll see, that or I may have less friends later when I totally freak out on my support system! *LOL*  What I learned though that I saw someone write on the MFP site is that hating myself won't help me lose weight and that's definitely what I'm trying to work towards.  I'm looking at the chart and seeing it for what it is.  It's the truth.  So I'm not trying to do what I used to do before or what other people have tried to do to inspire me to lose weight.  I'm not going to try to hate myself or be disgusted with myself and hope that those feelings are enough to motivate me into losing weight.  It hasn't been working so just seeing that really made me think, YEAH! That's totally true...so, I'm not putting anything up here to make myself feel bad or embarrassed so that I try harder.  It is what it is.  I'm just going to say that next time I post that chart up there, the numbers will be less!

Anywho, I've got some stretching to do this evening and - oh!  I've also got a doctor's appointment on Thursday.  I've been having this heel pain thing happening for quite some time now (nearing or over a year...) and I Googled it (yes, I can TOTALLY see my doctor rolling his eyes right now) and I think I may have something called plantar fasciitis.  I read some of the symptoms and it definitely sounds like me!  But anywho, what do I know, it could also be heel spurs, or something else altogether, but hopefully, my doctor will be able to tell me and we'll see where that goes!  If I'm really planning on seeing this C25K to the end, I'll definitely be needing to do something about that!

Tara just came out here and said that after we finish this, we could get into cycling and swimming and do a triathlon.

*cries*
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